Strong Desire to Attend Mass, But Not Catholic

[Susan_Calvin]

God bless you for your prayers. I’ll take every prayer I can get!

Well… I am really concerned about you. I try to pray for you when I can, and I hope the praying helps. I’m thinking about telling the children I volunteer with to pray for you also. My priest told me that God hears children’s prayers especially, not sure if that’s a teaching of the church but its a nice sentiment. In any event you are in my thoughts and it can’t hurt, right?

I suppose its just because I attend mass every day and learning the catechism and so forth, but I am starting to have Catholic themed dreams. Nightmares sometimes also. For example, last night I dreamt that I was in the church, and someone came in during Eucharistic Adoration, took the host out of the monstrance, and crushed it with his fist. Pieces of the host fell all over the place. Then suddenly I was alone in the church, and I was desperately trying to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back in the tabernacle. I wasn’t sure I was supposed to even be in the tabernacle, but I didn’t know what else to do with the pieces. Every time I thought I had retrieved of them, suddenly I found more. I was REALLY upset in the dream. It was weird… it was one of those dreams that feels really “real”, very vivid. So when I woke up it took me a few minutes to realize it didn’t actually happen and collect myself.

 

[po18guy]

I try to pray for you when I can, and I hope the praying helps. I’m thinking about telling the children I volunteer with to pray for you also. My priest told me that God hears children’s prayers especially, not sure if that’s a teaching of the church but its a nice sentiment. In any event you are in my thoughts and it can’t hurt, right?

Christ had a seemingly special love for children. He used them as good examples and said that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to “such as these”. And, thank you very much for your prayers.

For example, last night I dreamt that I was in the church, and someone came in during Eucharistic Adoration, took the host out of the monstrance, and crushed it with his fist. Pieces of the host fell all over the place. Then suddenly I was alone in the church, and I was desperately trying to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back in the tabernacle. I wasn’t sure I was supposed to even be in the tabernacle, but I didn’t know what else to do with the pieces. Every time I thought I had retrieved of them, suddenly I found more. I was REALLY upset in the dream. It was weird… it was one of those dreams that feels really “real”, very vivid. So when I woke up it took me a few minutes to realize it didn’t actually happen and collect myself.

You have a greater love and respect for Christ in the Eucharist than so many of us do. You are an example for us in more ways than you can imagine!

 

[grandfather]

I suppose its just because I attend mass every day and learning the catechism and so forth, but I am starting to have Catholic themed dreams. Nightmares sometimes also. For example, last night I dreamt that I was in the church, and someone came in during Eucharistic Adoration, took the host out of the monstrance, and crushed it with his fist. Pieces of the host fell all over the place. Then suddenly I was alone in the church, and I was desperately trying to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back in the tabernacle. I wasn’t sure I was supposed to even be in the tabernacle, but I didn’t know what else to do with the pieces. Every time I thought I had retrieved of them, suddenly I found more. I was REALLY upset in the dream. It was weird… it was one of those dreams that feels really “real”, very vivid. So when I woke up it took me a few minutes to realize it didn’t actually happen and collect myself.

Bishop Sheen was a famous American bishop who lived in the early and mid 20th century. He was friends with a priest who was a missionary in China when the Communists took over. He was put under house arrest in his rectory with a guard at the door when his village was taken over. The communists ransacked the Church and stole the gold Communion chalice from the tabernacle. They grabbed it and scattered the Hosts on the floor. The priest could see this from the window of his rectory looking into the church. The soldiers left and did not see that there was a girl about 10 years old sitting in a side pew hiding there. In those days Catholics were allowed to receive once per day and only on the tongue. Only the priest touched the Host and placed it in the mouth of the communicant. The missionary priest saw the little girl after the soldiers left kneel next to one of the Hosts and lick It up off the floor. The priest knew the exact number of Hosts that were in the chalice. Every day the girl came back and snuck past the guards into the church and knelt and consumed one Host. On the day she consumed last Host she was caught on her way out of the Church by the communists and they killed her.

We do not know her name, but we do know that she is a saint in heaven. We can pray to her, a martyr of the Eucharist, and know with certainty she will carry our prayers to God’s throne.

 

[chewchoo]

Bishop Sheen was a famous American bishop who lived in the early and mid 20th century. He was friends with a priest who was a missionary in China when the Communists took over. He was put under house arrest in his rectory with a guard at the door when his village was taken over. The communists ransacked the Church and stole the gold Communion chalice from the tabernacle. They grabbed it and scattered the Hosts on the floor. The priest could see this from the window of his rectory looking into the church. The soldiers left and did not see that there was a girl about 10 years old sitting in a side pew hiding there. In those days Catholics were allowed to receive once per day and only on the tongue. Only the priest touched the Host and placed it in the mouth of the communicant. The missionary priest saw the little girl after the soldiers left kneel next to one of the Hosts and lick It up off the floor. The priest knew the exact number of Hosts that were in the chalice. Every day the girl came back and snuck past the guards into the church and knelt and consumed one Host. On the day she consumed last Host she was caught on her way out of the Church by the communists and they killed her.

We do not know her name, but we do know that she is a saint in heaven. We can pray to her, a martyr of the Eucharist, and know with certainty she will carry our prayers to God’s throne.

so many beautiful stories of the wheat and the weeds “co-existing”. i’m sure Jesus hid her from the communists until she completed the task that he needed her to do. once she had finished she received her reward.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

That’s a very moving story, about the little girl. Though I am sorry she was killed. Funny coincidence actually, as I just borrowed a book from my pastor by Bishop Sheen. Its called Life is Worth Living. I haven’t read it yet.

My friend Sister C is here right now, we’ve had a great time so far seeing the sights of the city, and she loves the church I attend. She says I am very fortunate to be able to worship in such a beautiful old church, hers back in the US is a very modern building I guess. Not that the building matters but I understand what she means… it is a beautiful church. I’m very much enjoying her being here. We were best friends in highschool and haven’t seen each other for years, yet when I met her at the airport it was like no time has passed at all… we just picked up where we left off. I’m so happy she’s such a good friend, I was feeling kind of lonely with my other friend still not speaking to me.

I just became a prayer warrior recently. Initially I thought I had to be Catholic first but I applied anyway and I’m very happy I was accepted. Besides the main point of praying for others, I’m hoping it will help me with my prayer life in general, as I need the practice. Anyhow take care all. Sister C and I are travelling to see the Missionaries of Charity tomorrow, I’m very excited, especially to see the Sister I knew as a child!

 

[Susan_Calvin]

You have a greater love and respect for Christ in the Eucharist than so many of us do. You are an example for us in more ways than you can imagine!

Thanks for saying so, though I don’t believe its anything I’ve done particularly. What I mean is, I think its God’s grace rather me, because it just “happened”. One day I went to Eucharistic Adoration and I was in awe and was “hooked”. Usually when it is me, I have to investigate something for some time beforehand, before I practice it or believe. Really, my whole journey in the Church so far has been very much unlike me. Which leads me to believe it really is not me at all. Not sure that makes sense but its how I feel.

 

[po18guy]

Thanks for saying so, though I don’t believe its anything I’ve done particularly. What I mean is, I think its God’s grace rather me, because it just “happened”. One day I went to Eucharistic Adoration and I was in awe and was “hooked”. Usually when it is me, I have to investigate something for some time beforehand, before I practice it or believe. Really, my whole journey in the Church so far has been very much unlike me. Which leads me to believe it really is not me at all. Not sure that makes sense but its how I feel.

As happens with certain things in life, you just know they are genuine. Without the desire to attend mass arriving first, the sight of the Blessed Sacrament would likely have meant very little to you. It sounds like you have lived in a concrete, cause and effect world. You have been called to enter the anti-concrete realm of the spiritual. However, you still notice the same cause and effect as the careful construction of your faith life unfolds before you. Yet, it is something beyond the tactile sense, nothing that can be handled or felt with fingertips, but rather with the heart. It is a wondrous time, a second childhood of sorts, as one fascinating occurrence after another arrives. That all of this has taken place after you matured and were searching, knowingly or not, to fill a void in your life, is evidence of the Divine Hand in action.

Christ be with you!

 

[grandfather]

That’s a very moving story, about the little girl. Though I am sorry she was killed. Funny coincidence actually, as I just borrowed a book from my pastor by Bishop Sheen. Its called Life is Worth Living. I haven’t read it yet.

My friend Sister C is here right now, we’ve had a great time so far seeing the sights of the city, and she loves the church I attend. She says I am very fortunate to be able to worship in such a beautiful old church, hers back in the US is a very modern building I guess. Not that the building matters but I understand what she means… it is a beautiful church. I’m very much enjoying her being here. We were best friends in highschool and haven’t seen each other for years, yet when I met her at the airport it was like no time has passed at all… we just picked up where we left off. I’m so happy she’s such a good friend, I was feeling kind of lonely with my other friend still not speaking to me.

I just became a prayer warrior recently. Initially I thought I had to be Catholic first but I applied anyway and I’m very happy I was accepted. Besides the main point of praying for others, I’m hoping it will help me with my prayer life in general, as I need the practice. Anyhow take care all. Sister C and I are travelling to see the Missionaries of Charity tomorrow, I’m very excited, especially to see the Sister I knew as a child!

Bishop Sheen had a 15 minute television show that was broadcast on Sunday evenings all across America. He was watched by everyone, not only Catholics. He was a bishop in NYC, but was nicknamed “America’s bishop”. His show was called Life is Worth Living.

You are visiting your high school best friend. When we see the paths life takes us, looking backward, we can see certain designs or directions that were always there. The readers of your personal story can see God’s hand was there directing your steps for many years, even when you were not so cognizant of His presence in your life. Do you think it is a coincidence that your high school best friend became a nun and that you are also now aware of a religous vocation? Why do some people become fast friends and others pass one another by?

It is important that churches are beautiful. Our souls crave beauty. It seems that for some time now we have forgotten how to make beautiful churches. You may become very proficient at prayer, but there is something that will not change. You will always need more practice. One of the things that never ceases to amaze us is that the Being who created everything that exists listens to our voices in prayer and responds.

 

[Al_Masetti]

Well… I am really concerned about you. I try to pray for you when I can, and I hope the praying helps. I’m thinking about telling the children I volunteer with to pray for you also. My priest told me that God hears children’s prayers especially, not sure if that’s a teaching of the church but its a nice sentiment. In any event you are in my thoughts and it can’t hurt, right?

I suppose its just because I attend mass every day and learning the catechism and so forth, but I am starting to have Catholic themed dreams. Nightmares sometimes also. For example, last night I dreamt that I was in the church, and someone came in during Eucharistic Adoration, took the host out of the monstrance, and crushed it with his fist. Pieces of the host fell all over the place. Then suddenly I was alone in the church, and I was desperately trying to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back in the tabernacle. I wasn’t sure I was supposed to even be in the tabernacle, but I didn’t know what else to do with the pieces. Every time I thought I had retrieved of them, suddenly I found more. I was REALLY upset in the dream. It was weird… it was one of those dreams that feels really “real”, very vivid. So when I woke up it took me a few minutes to realize it didn’t actually happen and collect myself.

Eucharistic Adoration is one of the most amazing phenomena I have ever experienced. [not sure how to describe it … ]

People have commented that while visiting a Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration chapel, they felt the presence of “another person”.

 

[Learn2bCatholic]

All I can say is WOW! I have spent most of the day at work and then this afternoon reading all of this post. I am not Catholic yet but have been going to Mass and involved in a womans Bible study group for about 8 months now as well as a spiritual growth group for about a month now and I am going to be starting RCIA next month. I went to Baptist church growing up off and on as a child but never felt the connection that I felt to God like I have since I started going to Mass and getting involved in the Catholic Church but what really made me even more sure that I was doing the right thing was in May I went with the womans group on a retreat and I found peace that only God can give. I have felt very lonely since I moved here to Tennessee over a year ago and since I have been getting closer to God I realize even though I am far away from my earthly family I am never away from my heavenly family. For most of my adult life I have felt the pull like you have talked about but did not follow it until I moved here. You all have helped me so much with your words and I am so thankful that I have found this wonderful group. Judith your undoubting faith is truly an inspiration to me. I feel so blessed that because of your writing this I now know I am not the only one who worries I am not praying right as well as many other things you had talked about in your post. I am so excited to be learning how to be closer to God and how to be Catholic. And I know now that the happiness peace that I have been searching for all my life was here right in front of me all this time and he was just waiting on me to open my heart and my eyes to him. God bless you all for helping not only Judith with your words but all of us new to the Church.

Peace be with you all,
Amanda

 

[po18guy]

All I can say is WOW! I know now that the happiness peace that I have been searching for all my life was here right in front of me all this time and he was just waiting on me to open my heart and my eyes to him. God bless you all for helping not only Judith with your words but all of us new to the Church.

Peace be with you all,
Amanda

It is good for those of us who came into the Church some time back to see anew the wonder and grace that the Lord give to those with seeking hearts. Inspirational stories, the two of you. And, prayers for both of you.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

I feel so blessed that because of your writing this I now know I am not the only one who worries I am not praying right as well as many other things you had talked about in your post. I am so excited to be learning how to be closer to God and how to be Catholic. And I know now that the happiness peace that I have been searching for all my life was here right in front of me all this time and he was just waiting on me to open my heart and my eyes to him. God bless you all for helping not only Judith with your words but all of us new to the Church.

Amanda, I’m really glad you have gained something from reading this thread. I certainly relate as I’ve appreciated and learned so much from everyone who has contributed here. Its still amazing to me how this thread has grown as initially it was just a simple question on my part. We have some really wonderful Catholics on CAF, they’ve helped me tremendously in my “quest” and I hope you have the same experience in your time here.

Congratulations on finding the Church and finding happiness and peace. It is very exciting!

 

[Susan_Calvin]

As happens with certain things in life, you just know they are genuine.

Yes definitely. Its a very simple way to describe it, but that’s exactly what’s happened to me. Its not a feeling I have very often in my life, so I’m really treasuring it.

po18guy:

Without the desire to attend mass arriving first, the sight of the Blessed Sacrament would likely have meant very little to you.

That’s a good point, I never thought of that…

po18guy:

It sounds like you have lived in a concrete, cause and effect world. You have been called to enter the anti-concrete realm of the spiritual.

Yes definitely concrete, as I am a scientist and have a logical mind. Its funny though, I’ve never spoken about this here, but… I have tried or been invited to try other faiths in the past. However, none of them “made sense” to me like Catholicism does. My logic always got in the way in some sense. Many of the beliefs seemed ridiculous or just wrong. I could not accept them.

For instance, I was invited to a pentecostal church by a friend years ago. After speaking to the pastor, I just couldn’t believe what he was telling me. Additionally, it was a “spirit-filled” church and I absolutely could not envision myself speaking in tongues, being slain in the spirit, etc… it just didn’t sit right with me, or fit with my personality. It gave me a bad feeling. I felt as though, if I were to try some of those things, as I was encouraged to do, I would be “faking” and not be true to myself. It was a very strong feeling of aversion so I never went back there; it was obviously not for me.

Then I also went to a Buddhist retreat (again invited) and attempted to do some mindfulness meditation. Again, it just didn’t make sense to me, to empty my mind as they were suggesting. Something seemed missing from it, and once again, I felt like I would be “faking” if I tried to stay in that faith.

I also examined my own background and heritage, which is Judaism. Judaism made the most sense to me logically of anything else I had “tried”. It is a very logical belief system, and I could see myself being a practicing Jew, it didn’t feel fake. But, once again though, it seemed there were some things missing from it. I hate to use this word, but there was a certain feeling of “deadness” in it. I don’t mean to be disrespectful; there are obviously many Jews in the world who would disagree with me. But that was my personal experience… it seemed more of a tradition to carry on in honour of my heritage, rather a belief system which related to me personally.

I’m not bashing Pentecostalism, Buddhism or Judaism… but none of them “fit” for me. Catholicism is the only one where I feel completely comfortable, beyond what I ever thought possible. As you say, I just know. And honestly, it seems logical to me also! Its very weird, because normally, I would be questioning so much, but I am not. Its really quite amazing.

 

[Susan_Calvin]

Bishop Sheen had a 15 minute television show that was broadcast on Sunday evenings all across America. He was watched by everyone, not only Catholics. He was a bishop in NYC, but was nicknamed “America’s bishop”. His show was called Life is Worth Living.

Ah OK. I still haven’t had a chance to read the book but I glanced at it again after reading your post, and it says its based on transcripts from a TV show. Interesting that a bishop had a TV show! I mean, I know we have stations like EWTN, but I didn’t realize there were Catholic TV shows years ago also.

grandfather:

Do you think it is a coincidence that your high school best friend became a nun and that you are also now aware of a religous vocation? Why do some people become fast friends and others pass one another by?

Yes very good point, I have thought so myself lately! I could have been best friends with so many other people, yet I ended up being friends with a future nun. She was the only one in our school who became a religious. I’m sure there had been others before and since, but she is the only one from our classes. And to be honest, she didn’t seem like nun material at the time! We were both pretty “mischevious” to use a nice term… our favourite movie is “The Trouble with Angels” with Rosalind Russell and Hayley Mills, we consider that “our” movie, we watched it again the other night as I own it (and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t seen it, its really a great movie!). I relate to it so much, because we played lots of pranks on the Sisters and got ourselves into a fair bit of trouble in other ways. Sister C was definitely not considered the one in the graduating class most likely to be a nun!

grandfather:

You may become very proficient at prayer, but there is something that will not change. You will always need more practice.

Yes, many people have told me that. Still though, I feel very inadequate in my ability to pray currently. I think my heart is in the right place, but the words just don’t seem to fall off my lips the way they do with more “seasoned” people. I hope it gets a little better. I do appreciate what you’re saying though about continually learning to be better and practicing. That doesn’t disappoint me. In fact, its pretty exciting!

 

[Susan_Calvin]

People have commented that while visiting a Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration chapel, they felt the presence of “another person”.

Exactly! I especially felt the presence of “another person”… but in a good way, not some creepy “ghost” way. That was what drew me to it in the first place. I love it, its my favourite time of the week!

 

[chewchoo]

I feel very inadequate in my ability to pray currently. I think my heart is in the right place, but the words just don’t seem to fall off my lips the way they do with more “seasoned” people.

converse with God as you would converse with another person. don’t try to imitate the words or format of others. there is no one, right way to pray. remember God already knows what you need even before you ask him, so just ask, just pray.

 

[po18guy]

Ah OK. I still haven’t had a chance to read the book but I glanced at it again after reading your post, and it says its based on transcripts from a TV show. Interesting that a bishop had a TV show! I mean, I know we have stations like EWTN, but I didn’t realize there were Catholic TV shows years ago also.

Bishop Sheen won an Emmy Award for his show. When he accepted the award, he said, “I’d like to thank my writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John”. Imagine anything like that now…

 

[po18guy]

Yes definitely concrete, as I am a scientist and have a logical mind. Its funny though, I’ve never spoken about this here, but… I have tried or been invited to try other faiths in the past. However, none of them “made sense” to me like Catholicism does. My logic always got in the way in some sense. Many of the beliefs seemed ridiculous or just wrong. I could not accept them.

The difference here is that the invitation came directly from the Lord. Thus, the comfort level that accompanied it.

Again, it just didn’t make sense to me, to empty my mind as they were suggesting.

Rather than being emptied to avoid all negativity and disappointment, Catholicism is about being filled, about being renewed. Hope and joy replace despair.

I also examined my own background and heritage, which is Judaism. Judaism made the most sense to me logically of anything else I had “tried”. It is a very logical belief system, and I could see myself being a practicing Jew, it didn’t feel fake. But, once again though, it seemed there were some things missing from it. I hate to use this word, but there was a certain feeling of “deadness” in it.

A traditional Jewish objection to Christianity is that man, in the case of Jesus, cannot become God. However, God can and did become man, for our sake. Knowing that we worship the Jew who is God, we can see that Jesus is the new and eternal covenant, fulfilling all that came before. The same Jesus Who was sent to the “lost sheep of Israel”. The following scripture seems written just for you:

Luke 15:3-6 Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’

He has called us here and we are rejoicing. Alleluia!

 

[Al_Masetti]

Bishop Sheen won an Emmy Award for his show. When he accepted the award, he said, “I’d like to thank my writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John”. Imagine anything like that now…

Bishop Sheen’s television program was in prime time and had the best ratings in his time slot.

 

[grandfather]

and have a logical mind. Its funny though, I’ve never spoken about this here, but… I have tried or been invited to try other faiths in the past. However, none of them “made sense” to me like Catholicism does. My logic always got in the way in some sense. Many of the beliefs seemed ridiculous or just wrong. I could not accept them.