C
crazzeto
Guest
I’ve gone and prayed for you, I’m so sorry to hear that! A whole chaplet of the rosary!
- Status
S
Susan_Calvin
Guest
Wow thank you… I am VERY serious when I say it helps. I am feeling better every day and I appreciate you and everyone’s prayers! I am praying for you also…
Today (December 8, the feast of the Immaculate Conception) I am making my first confession and receiving my first communion! I am also making my total consecration to Mary. I don’t have the words for how excited I feel! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
I wanted to share this video, because it expresses pretty well how I feel right now:
youtube.com/watch?v=h0nSjxDKJEo
I must have watched this video 100 times in the last 2 days, dork that I am.
I absolutely love it 
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread since April. Back then I never imagined that just short of 8 months later, I would be participating fully in the very mass I desired so much back then. Its a true miracle and I thank God for it.
5
5Loaves
Guest
Congratulations!
I’ve only read your thread a few times, only enough to have a passing sense of your journey, and of the community here that has shared this part with you, providing you with so much support.
It’s wonderful you will have received all the Sacraments of Initiation on this Feast of the Mother of God, within the week of the Feast of the Virgen de Guadalupe and during the preparation for the Nativity of our Lord.
Praise and glory to God!
-Mary Louise
Seeking to understand a fathomless reason, the virgin cried to God’s messenger: “Tell me: How can a Son be born from a chaste womb?” He answered her with awe, saying, “Hail, treasure house of an entirely world-transcending Mystery. Hail, the faith of willing and complete submission. Hail, the beginning of Christ’s stupendous miracles. Hail, the font of His all-wise commandments. Hail, the heavenly ladder by which God descends. Hail, the celestial bridge leading the earth’s dwellers heavenward. Hail, the miracle with praises drawn from Angels. Hail, conquest with wailings rent from demons. Hail, you who gave birth to Light ineffably brought to fruition. Hail, you who disclosed not how or in what way. Hail, you who exceed the wisdom of the sages. Hail, you who enlighten the understanding of the faithful.”
Hail, ever-virgin bride!
po18guy
Well-known member
Amen and amen! Prayers continuing for you.Wow thank you… I am VERY serious when I say it helps. I am feeling better every day and I appreciate you and everyone’s prayers! I am praying for you also…
Today (December 8, the feast of the Immaculate Conception) I am making my first confession and receiving my first communion! I am also making my total consecration to Mary. I don’t have the words for how excited I feel! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
I wanted to share this video, because it expresses pretty well how I feel right now:
youtube.com/watch?v=h0nSjxDKJEo
I must have watched this video 100 times in the last 2 days, dork that I am.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread since April. Back then I never imagined that just short of 8 months later, I would be participating fully in the very mass I desired so much back then. Its a true miracle and I thank God for it.
G
grandfather
Guest
I am in tears.Wow thank you… I am VERY serious when I say it helps. I am feeling better every day and I appreciate you and everyone’s prayers! I am praying for you also…
Today (December 8, the feast of the Immaculate Conception) I am making my first confession and receiving my first communion! I am also making my total consecration to Mary. I don’t have the words for how excited I feel! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
I wanted to share this video, because it expresses pretty well how I feel right now:
youtube.com/watch?v=h0nSjxDKJEo
I must have watched this video 100 times in the last 2 days, dork that I am.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread since April. Back then I never imagined that just short of 8 months later, I would be participating fully in the very mass I desired so much back then. Its a true miracle and I thank God for it.
You belong to us. We are yours.
Be a saint. It is God’s will for you. Your soul is His treasure.
In heaven the angels and saints rejoice over you, especially Teresa of Calcutta.
You are the cause of joy in heaven.
Today Mary is conceived without sin. She who conceived God in her womb as her Son, the Bread come down from heaven, is conceived without sin. Today you also are without sin and receive the Life of the World.
The Church rejoices today at the Immaculate Conception and you are the cause of heavenly joy.
E
EvelynEVF
Guest
Susan, I’ve pretty much ignored this thread for the last 20 pages, because of all the people who write in without having ever read your story 
I’m so glad I checked in to find the TODAY IS THE DAY!
Congratulations is too small a word. Welcome, and hallelujah!
I get to go to Mass twice today (once at my kids’ school and once at my regular time, where I’ve signed up to help), so I’ll offer one for your intentions.
I’m so glad I checked in to find the TODAY IS THE DAY!Congratulations is too small a word. Welcome, and hallelujah!
I get to go to Mass twice today (once at my kids’ school and once at my regular time, where I’ve signed up to help), so I’ll offer one for your intentions.
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CB_Catholic
Guest
Judith, I would like to add my congratulations on your First Holy Communion. May God bless you abundantly! Your story is so remarkable, i still get tears in my eyes when I read your posts.
C
CSUNGerrie
Guest
Wow! Thank you for the video. So wonderful. Here is a video I must have watched 100 times myself: youtube.com/watch?v=NX5X2cXMh0o It shows a Eucharistic procession though the streets of New York CityI wanted to share this video, because it expresses pretty well how I feel right now:
youtube.com/watch?v=h0nSjxDKJEo
I must have watched this video 100 times in the last 2 days, dork that I am.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread since April. Back then I never imagined that just short of 8 months later, I would be participating fully in the very mass I desired so much back then. Its a true miracle and I thank God for it.
Bless You!
J
jmcrae
Guest
Congratulations!! :dancing:
(edited - I got an error message: “too many smiles” - Yep, that’s for sure. I am sure smiling a lot right now!! )
Isn’t it great? I love that one, too!I must have watched this video 100 times in the last 2 days, dork that I am.
WOW. That’s just so amazing!!
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fultonfish
Guest
Congratulations!!
Continuing prayers from us.
Please keep us in your prayers as well.
[way cool!]
Continuing prayers from us.
Please keep us in your prayers as well.
[way cool!]
G
grandfather
Guest
I’ll bet there are a lot of people following your stroy and praying for you who would like to hear how things went.
C
chewchoo
Guest
welcome home judith :grouphug:
:grouphug:
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reaganjn
Guest
i have read MOST of this entire thread and i am so grateful for it. i too am in the process of converting to catholic and my girls are attending mass with me. thank you so much for sharing your life with us, and with me. it feels like i already know you. i am looking forward to many more updates.
have a wonderful day
have a wonderful day
po18guy
Well-known member
Judith, you are now a living, breathing Tabernacle of the Lord, having obeyed Jesus’ command to eat His Body and drink His Blood. You carry Him within both your body and spirit wherever you go. Your Adoration of Christ in the Blessed Sacrament will take on a whole new dimension now. You will experience a peace “which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) when in His presence. You are strengthened against the assaults of this world. Defenseless no more, you have the armor of God shielding you in battle against the evil one. The power of Heaven surrounds you. The entire Church supports you in prayer - the Church triumphant in Heaven, the Church suffering in Purgatory, and the Church militant on earth.
May Christ’s peace permeate your spirit.
May Christ’s peace permeate your spirit.
M
Monica4316
Guest
Judith, I hope everything worked out :hug1: I’d love to hear what it was like for you to be received into the Church! God bless!!
God bless!!
S
Susan_Calvin
Guest
Thanks everyone for all the responses… I apologize for not replying sooner. I know everyone was wondering how it went and I feel bad for not updating.
Holy Communion was amazing, the most amazing day of my life, to be united with Jesus… it was better than I ever thought possible, but… soon after my first communion I fell under the most horrible spiritual attack. Excepting, at the time I really didn’t realize that’s what was going on. I thought I was going insane. Like literally. I’ve been struggling with memories of the rape I endured at age 10, and I thought I was going off the deep end. Every time I went to mass, these horrible images would pop into my head, of the most demented, vile nature… worse than I’d ever experienced before. Then there was a reoccurring thought of, “you are going to lose your mind and kill yourself if you continue going to church”. It was very odd and very awful… odd in the sense that it was out of character for me, but because of dealing with the rape lately, I just assumed it was part and parcel of my healing from my childhood experiences.
Part of me thought I should approach my pastor and tell him this was going on, but… another “voice” was saying I was bothering him, that he hated me, I shouldn’t disturb him, etc… and that voice was very strong. I felt very depressed, worse every day for a couple of weeks. And I stopped going to mass. I missed 2 Sunday masses in a row, and without going into detail, I slipped back into some serious sins that I had committted before I ever became a catechumen. It was very, very weird because I hadn’t even had trouble with those sins for the last 2-3 years, yet all of a sudden they were a huge issue again.
One of the “voices” or thoughts, whatever you want to call it, told me that I should never go to confession again, that it was all just nonsense anyhow. It told me the whole Church was a lie and that I should stop going to mass completely. While in the state of mortal sin I was really struggling with my faith, it was really horrid…
This went on for 2 weeks. Finally I decided I needed to see my priest and go to confession. The night I made that decision I barely slept. I had the temptation to commit suicide, very strongly. Again, all of this is really out of character for me. I made it through the night though, and went to the church very early in the morning. It was open; my priest, the seminarians and a few of the Sisters were having their early morning holy hour as usual. Even at that point, there was this “voice” saying to me, don’t interrupt Father, you’re being rude, he doesn’t want to talk to you, etc… but I ignored it and approached him.
As it turned out, he was happy to see me! He assumed I had gone away for the holidays because he hadn’t seen me for a couple of weeks. Then I explained to him what was going on… he was very concerned. I went to confession. He told me I was under spiritual attack, and suggested that I come to mass every day, and also have a holy hour every day, at the same time that he and the Sisters and seminarians were having one. Its super early in the morning. They have a silent holy hour, then they say the rosary, then there is mass. I would have to get up around 5 am but he suggested I do it, that it would help me.
Right after I went to confession, it was like a huge weight was lifted. The feeling of wanting to commit suicide, and the depression, was completely gone. I’ve obeyed my priest and been coming to the holy hour / rosary / mass every morning now for a few days. He also wants me to come to see him once a week, he made a specific appointment time for me. I’m feeling a LOT better… thanks so much for everyone’s prayers, it was likely what helped me to get back on track. I will try to give more updates from now on.
I’m going to vigil mass soon, but I thought I should write. Happy New Year to all of you!
Holy Communion was amazing, the most amazing day of my life, to be united with Jesus… it was better than I ever thought possible, but… soon after my first communion I fell under the most horrible spiritual attack. Excepting, at the time I really didn’t realize that’s what was going on. I thought I was going insane. Like literally. I’ve been struggling with memories of the rape I endured at age 10, and I thought I was going off the deep end. Every time I went to mass, these horrible images would pop into my head, of the most demented, vile nature… worse than I’d ever experienced before. Then there was a reoccurring thought of, “you are going to lose your mind and kill yourself if you continue going to church”. It was very odd and very awful… odd in the sense that it was out of character for me, but because of dealing with the rape lately, I just assumed it was part and parcel of my healing from my childhood experiences.
Part of me thought I should approach my pastor and tell him this was going on, but… another “voice” was saying I was bothering him, that he hated me, I shouldn’t disturb him, etc… and that voice was very strong. I felt very depressed, worse every day for a couple of weeks. And I stopped going to mass. I missed 2 Sunday masses in a row, and without going into detail, I slipped back into some serious sins that I had committted before I ever became a catechumen. It was very, very weird because I hadn’t even had trouble with those sins for the last 2-3 years, yet all of a sudden they were a huge issue again.
One of the “voices” or thoughts, whatever you want to call it, told me that I should never go to confession again, that it was all just nonsense anyhow. It told me the whole Church was a lie and that I should stop going to mass completely. While in the state of mortal sin I was really struggling with my faith, it was really horrid…
This went on for 2 weeks. Finally I decided I needed to see my priest and go to confession. The night I made that decision I barely slept. I had the temptation to commit suicide, very strongly. Again, all of this is really out of character for me. I made it through the night though, and went to the church very early in the morning. It was open; my priest, the seminarians and a few of the Sisters were having their early morning holy hour as usual. Even at that point, there was this “voice” saying to me, don’t interrupt Father, you’re being rude, he doesn’t want to talk to you, etc… but I ignored it and approached him.
As it turned out, he was happy to see me! He assumed I had gone away for the holidays because he hadn’t seen me for a couple of weeks. Then I explained to him what was going on… he was very concerned. I went to confession. He told me I was under spiritual attack, and suggested that I come to mass every day, and also have a holy hour every day, at the same time that he and the Sisters and seminarians were having one. Its super early in the morning. They have a silent holy hour, then they say the rosary, then there is mass. I would have to get up around 5 am but he suggested I do it, that it would help me.
Right after I went to confession, it was like a huge weight was lifted. The feeling of wanting to commit suicide, and the depression, was completely gone. I’ve obeyed my priest and been coming to the holy hour / rosary / mass every morning now for a few days. He also wants me to come to see him once a week, he made a specific appointment time for me. I’m feeling a LOT better… thanks so much for everyone’s prayers, it was likely what helped me to get back on track. I will try to give more updates from now on.
I’m going to vigil mass soon, but I thought I should write. Happy New Year to all of you!
po18guy
Well-known member
Judith, the power of God will always vanquish the evil one. Before you underwent your conversion, no such spiritual attack was needed, as you were already some distance from God. The evil one does not usually expend that much effort on those who are not close to our Lord. However, once the call from our Lord came, and you willingly responded, it was a wake up call for the devil. He nows fears permanently losing you and will come at you from time to time. His weakness is that you now recognize his attacks and can seek help to repel them. Praise God that your priest is so holy! Spending time before Jesus, Who rebukes the evil one, is exactly where you need to be right now. Contrasting the terror and hatred contained in the attacks with the peace and love that you experience in the Lord’s presence, you are given the most clear-cut choice that exists.
All such attacks will not be so overt, however. The serpent is the most cunning and subtle creature in the garden. He will employ whatever tactics he thinks will suit his vile purpose. He will attempt to very subtly cause you to drift away from your love of God. He uses little diversions, like events at work or at home in his attempts to lure you away. He will try to convince you that missing a mass, or time in prayer, is a part of life and must happen from time to time. He is like rust, always doing his best to corrode your relationship with God. Spiritual warfare prayers are good weapons to use in this war against you and your love of God.
As always, our prayers are with you. May the Christmas season remain a blessed one, and may the new year be one filled with Christ’s peace. Amen.
All such attacks will not be so overt, however. The serpent is the most cunning and subtle creature in the garden. He will employ whatever tactics he thinks will suit his vile purpose. He will attempt to very subtly cause you to drift away from your love of God. He uses little diversions, like events at work or at home in his attempts to lure you away. He will try to convince you that missing a mass, or time in prayer, is a part of life and must happen from time to time. He is like rust, always doing his best to corrode your relationship with God. Spiritual warfare prayers are good weapons to use in this war against you and your love of God.
As always, our prayers are with you. May the Christmas season remain a blessed one, and may the new year be one filled with Christ’s peace. Amen.
M
Monica4316
Guest
Judith, :hug1:
I was spiritually attacked so much too after my conversion!!! You’re NOT alone.
It was beautiful to receive the Eucharist but the attacks were also very real. Please know this is definitely from the enemy!! I learned this over and over again. Eventually God helped me to learn how to hold on to my faith despite these attacks and it got better, and I felt peace again. Talking to a priest helps!!!
St John Vianney said that the devil attacks us more when we’re closer to God. He does attack Catholics in greater ways because the old ways and old temptations don’t work that easily anymore. Let this humble you, and rely on God’s strength your strength will come from the Sacraments. No matter what happens, go to Confession and Communion, and you’ll pull through. I’m really just talking from experience here. I know what you’re talking about and it’s really hard but God is stronger, so don’t’ give up
The day I became Catholic, I was spiritually attacked in the worst way. I almost felt like something was trying to invade my mind and tell me that I’m going crazy, I’m going to hell, there’s no hope for me, I shouldn’t be Catholic, etc. I felt like any moment I’ll go to hell. The next morning, I almost ran to the priest, lol, and he heard my confession, and gave me advice… I then received the Eucharist again on Easter Sunday. That was and remains the best Communion of my life so far. It was so beautiful. I felt so much peace, and like God was healing me from everything that happened that night with all my doubts. It sounds like what happened to you after the Confession you describe
I was eventually spiritually attacked again, when I was weak. But there’s only one solution: just keep coming back. It doesn’t last forever!! eventually you’ll get stronger and you’ll be able to deal with these attacks and temptations, and there are periods of consolation too. It’s a battle here on earth but it’s worth it. Go to Adoration and Mass as much as you can, and receive the Eucharist as often as possible, because this is what would help in the end. Pray the Rosary. And definitely follow the advice of your priest remember peace comes from God, and all this anxiety is from the enemy, not from Him.
I’m glad to hear that things are better now! Try to use this time to really grow in your faith and come closer to God through the Eucharist. I pray that He will fill you with His love and peace.
prayers for you!!
God bless!
I was spiritually attacked so much too after my conversion!!! You’re NOT alone.
It was beautiful to receive the Eucharist but the attacks were also very real. Please know this is definitely from the enemy!! I learned this over and over again. Eventually God helped me to learn how to hold on to my faith despite these attacks and it got better, and I felt peace again. Talking to a priest helps!!!
St John Vianney said that the devil attacks us more when we’re closer to God. He does attack Catholics in greater ways because the old ways and old temptations don’t work that easily anymore. Let this humble you, and rely on God’s strength
your strength will come from the Sacraments. No matter what happens, go to Confession and Communion, and you’ll pull through. I’m really just talking from experience here. I know what you’re talking about and it’s really hard but God is stronger, so don’t’ give up The day I became Catholic, I was spiritually attacked in the worst way. I almost felt like something was trying to invade my mind and tell me that I’m going crazy, I’m going to hell, there’s no hope for me, I shouldn’t be Catholic, etc. I felt like any moment I’ll go to hell. The next morning, I almost ran to the priest, lol, and he heard my confession, and gave me advice… I then received the Eucharist again on Easter Sunday. That was and remains the best Communion of my life so far. It was so beautiful. I felt so much peace, and like God was healing me from everything that happened that night with all my doubts. It sounds like what happened to you after the Confession you describe
I was eventually spiritually attacked again, when I was weak. But there’s only one solution: just keep coming back. It doesn’t last forever!! eventually you’ll get stronger and you’ll be able to deal with these attacks and temptations, and there are periods of consolation too. It’s a battle here on earth but it’s worth it. Go to Adoration and Mass as much as you can, and receive the Eucharist as often as possible, because this is what would help in the end. Pray the Rosary. And definitely follow the advice of your priest
remember peace comes from God, and all this anxiety is from the enemy, not from Him.I’m glad to hear that things are better now! Try to use this time to really grow in your faith and come closer to God through the Eucharist. I pray that He will fill you with His love and peace.
prayers for you!!
God bless!
S
Susan_Calvin
Guest
Thanks to both of you. I am so relieved to know I am not alone in this… really! Sounds weird to say, but I was actually happy to discover this was a spiritual attack. Much better than losing my sanity! It makes me a little afraid but my priest said I should not be, just trust in God, be vigilant and pray, pray, pray!! In any event I am so grateful to have Jesus, the Church, my priest and parish, and all of you here. I feel like the luckiest person in the world !
Happy New Year again to all!
Happy New Year again to all!
5
5Loaves
Guest
Christ is born! Glorify Him!
Judith- Congratulations on having the courage and the will to seek out your priest/spiritual director. These are gifts from God but you had to make the choice to exercise them. You’ve had so many struggles. You have a lot to offer to others.
Speaking to the rest of us longer term Catholics, Judith’s experience is a perfect example of why the fifty day period of Mystagogy that catechumens have, and their whole first year as officially neophytes is so critical. Candidates, coming into the Church at any time in the year can end up not having a similar period clearly defined and it’s a time when their sponsor plays an even more critical role.
Judith’s case does serve as a serious reminder to all of us Catholics who encounter new Christians and those Christians newly received into the Church, especially we who serve in the RCIA, priests as well, that all who become Catholic enter as neophytes even when they may have gained a great deal of formation, as Judith did, on the journey into the Church.
One of the things I emphasize during RCIA with catechumens and candidates is the need to get connected with some ministry/service in the parish. This comes out of my own experience coming into the Church. When, as a baptized Christian, I was still recently received into the Church, not during Easter, my church was destroyed. I was not sufficiently involved in any work in the parish and my sponsor was not “on the job” and so once the church building was gone I wandered around for a number of years attending Mass here and there. It took many years and the work of the Holy Spirit for me to finally attach myself to a parish and luckily a Sister there spoke directly with me about getting involved in parish work. I did, initially helping to clean the church and then gradually I got involved in other works, and it changed my life as a Catholic.
Judith, I have not read all the posts so I may have missed that you were already involved in work in your parish. In that case it’s a reminder again that we all need to keep an eye on our fellow parishioners who are in whatever parish ministry/service we are in and if they are missing in action check in with them. If you haven’t gotten involved in some team work then I strongly encourage you to find something that suits you and get involved with that.
I’m so sorry you’ve been tested with such painful thoughts and memories. As you continue to receive grace in the sacraments and in the fellowship and council of your priest and fellow parishioners you will continue to develop those spiritual muscles to fight the good fight. We all fight different battles and you have been given an especially challenging one. “A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.”
Judith- Congratulations on having the courage and the will to seek out your priest/spiritual director. These are gifts from God but you had to make the choice to exercise them.
You’ve had so many struggles. You have a lot to offer to others.Speaking to the rest of us longer term Catholics, Judith’s experience is a perfect example of why the fifty day period of Mystagogy that catechumens have, and their whole first year as officially neophytes is so critical. Candidates, coming into the Church at any time in the year can end up not having a similar period clearly defined and it’s a time when their sponsor plays an even more critical role.
Judith’s case does serve as a serious reminder to all of us Catholics who encounter new Christians and those Christians newly received into the Church, especially we who serve in the RCIA, priests as well, that all who become Catholic enter as neophytes even when they may have gained a great deal of formation, as Judith did, on the journey into the Church.
One of the things I emphasize during RCIA with catechumens and candidates is the need to get connected with some ministry/service in the parish. This comes out of my own experience coming into the Church. When, as a baptized Christian, I was still recently received into the Church, not during Easter, my church was destroyed. I was not sufficiently involved in any work in the parish and my sponsor was not “on the job” and so once the church building was gone I wandered around for a number of years attending Mass here and there. It took many years and the work of the Holy Spirit for me to finally attach myself to a parish and luckily a Sister there spoke directly with me about getting involved in parish work. I did, initially helping to clean the church and then gradually I got involved in other works, and it changed my life as a Catholic.
Judith, I have not read all the posts so I may have missed that you were already involved in work in your parish. In that case it’s a reminder again that we all need to keep an eye on our fellow parishioners who are in whatever parish ministry/service we are in and if they are missing in action check in with them. If you haven’t gotten involved in some team work then I strongly encourage you to find something that suits you and get involved with that.
I’m so sorry you’ve been tested with such painful thoughts and memories. As you continue to receive grace in the sacraments and in the fellowship and council of your priest and fellow parishioners you will continue to develop those spiritual muscles to fight the good fight. We all fight different battles and you have been given an especially challenging one. “A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.”
- Status