Thanks again all for the comments. I think I am becoming “addicted” to mass, for lack of a better term. I can’t go to mass today, I have a meeting at the time I usually attend mass, and I am seriously disappointed.
Like seriously… very weird for me. I really love going now.
Once you experience the richness and beauty of God’s love - especially after a life which has, at times been devoid of it, it is indeed a very strong call. Just imagine: How mere coincidence could ever explain all of the factors that are now falling into place for you? Who could believe that all of these events were inexplicably preceded by a “strong desire”? You have heard about the Holy Spirit before, and it likely did not mean much to you. Now that you have directly experienced the love and action of the Spirit, you have a much deeper understanding of how the Lord works.
I keep waiting for this feeling to wear off but it hasn’t yet. I just keep getting more and more interested and excited about things. Its been exactly a month since I first attended mass and over 2 months since I had the desire. I’m not naive, I am expecting that at some point all the excitement will wear off somewhat, but I’ve pretty much made a commitment to this whole process now. So either way I guess it won’t matter.
Believe it or not, this excitement is great now, but can be even greater once you receive the Lord in the Eucharist. Once you realize that everything in scripture comes true - is made present to you at mass, it is simply incomprehensible. Oh, you will have spiritual ups and downs, as is our lot in life. During the “ups”, it is easy to love the Lord and know of His presence. It is during the “downs” that we experience when it is our love of God that is tested. His love never fails, as it is unlimited and eternal.
I have still not heard from my friend, and I’m beginning to think this may be a long term silence between us. In retrospect I maybe should not have told her so soon I was going to the priest. I am now recalling many nasty things she had to say about religion and religious people in general (of any faith). Maybe I was naive to think our friendship would withstand this.
It may or may not survive this. However, you can now pray for your friend just as the sisters have been praying for you. And, their prayer was quite effective, wouldn’t you say? A great story for you to read would be that of the “prodigal son” (
Luke 15:11-31) (A tip of the hat here to
grandfather, who beat me to this one!). You will then understand why the sisters are overjoyed to hear from you just as the father of the lost son was overjoyed to see him return. You have already strengthened the sisters’ faith without knowing it, because their prayers for you have been answered. As to your friend, God has His own time table. For as long as it takes, He will be patient with His creations.
At the same time though, its only right that I am generous with her about it, considering how generous the Sisters were with me after years of not hearing from me. I was worried they would be angry with me and/or not give me the time of day, but they were just so very happy to hear from me, and it felt so great to not be judged by them. I want my friend to have that same experience with me, if and when she chooses to reinitiate contact. I am praying for her now, though I still feel inadequate in my prayers. Praying still seems a bit weird to me, I’m so new at it.
If you feel that your prayer is simple or childlike, know that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to the childlike (
Matthew 19:14). Consider the perfect prayer that our Lord gave us:
Matthew 6:9-13
“This, then, is how you should pray:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.”
So, even though you may think that your prayers are ineffective, they call the Lord’s attention much more than elaborate and lengthy prayers do. Your life story, as reflected in your posts, is truly inspiring to us.
May Christ’s peace accompany you on your journey. Amen.
I’m also speaking with the parish priest, I’ve seen him at his office twice and we’ve also met at the local cafe. He lives 2 blocks from me! The church is also extremely close, as are the Sisters who attend the early morning mass I go to… their convent is 2 blocks in the opposite direction. Its kind of amazing, as I only moved to this neighbourhood a very short time ago, and the only reason for being in this particular part of the city at all is because of the near zero vacancy rate - I took this place out of desperation. Normally I would have chosen a location much closer to my work. It seems though it was meant to be!
But I am very excited to be going there and seeing them again, very excited!!
I hope it goes well. Its an opportunity to see the Sisters from a different point of view. I have only ever known them as one of “their poor” and through a child’s eyes, so I assume it will be very different to work alongside them as an adult. I’m looking forward to that aspect. I don’t know if this is something a person starts doing once they are in their 30s (I am almost 31), but I have felt in the last year or so that I want to revisit my childhood, deal with anything I am unsure of, etc. Hard to explain. But its been amazing to contact all these people from my past. Healing. Which sounds funny for me to say because I usually don’t speak in those terms… overall though I think it will be a good experience.
