Tell an Outrageous Lie about the Previous Poster, Vol. III

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joeybaggzzzzz has revived his acting career…in the remake of ‘Gunsmoke’, he’s been cast as Festus Haggen [no make-up required…]…all he has to do is sit in the marshal’s chair, feet on the desk, obviously sound asleep [Talk about type-casting!!!]…when someone enters, he continues to sleep until food is mentioned, wakes up drooling, and then falls asleep again…
Once, who knows why, several ‘takes’ were required…they had to edit the script to explain why his shirt was soaked…
 
boldlygo is envious of joeybaggzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz success. He has gone to try-outs for every Star Trek show or movie made after the original series. The try-outs have always gone over the same way. After a minute or so of impressions of Spock, he was stopped and told to leave, with the explanation, “We can’t use redshirts that get wet pants.”
 
[Of course he did…Bartholo weighs 550 lbs…]

Brother Gov hit the lottery - not huge, but big enough…he herded all the second-graders onto the school bus, and prepared them for a big sports weekend by teaching them the ‘Bronx Cheer’…
First stop - Boston, to pick up some Red Sox gear…then, on to New York for the Yankees-Red Sox series…the tickets cost him a big chunk of his winnings, but his kids got to razz the Yankees at close range…when they left the stadium, they found their bus, minus wheels, on cinder blocks, with a Yankee pennant on the windshield…enraged, Brother Gov threw the pennant on the sidewalk…the local gendarmes ticketed him for littering…he might have gotten off with a warning, but it didn’t happen - the kids didn’t let up on the ‘Bronx Cheer’ the whole time the ticket was being written…
 
[How, exactly, those jeans got ripped is a secret, but it involved ice skates, a rusty can opener, and a large tub of strawberry yogurt…]

After literally crushing Bea Arthur, the 550-lb Bartholo embarked on a new career…he’s now training to be a Sumo wrestler, and looking hard for a sponsor to keep his refrigerator full…
 
Boldlygo was carelessly skating along a footpath when I saw him zooming up precariously in the distance…I could see an accident about to happen to this hapless stranger as he came clearly into view ,clearly attempting to do something stupid.
There he was skating,trying to open a tub of yogurt with a can opened.What a dill ! I laughed,I had to ,but choked on my laugh as he veered towards the duckpond oblivious to the alarmed quacking.
All I could do was to run and grab his dreadlocks throwing him to the ground just in time before he plunged into the gunky green water-it was so deep!
Boldlygo swore at me ungratefully as he rolled across the gravel path ripping his jeans…at the last instant just as I had yanked his greasy locks he had finally managed to cut open the tub of Strawberry yogurt…the ducks moved in fast.
 
Greenfields, aka Hog Calling Sally, was about to come to Boldlygo’s rescue when she remembered that she was hosting a dinner party later that evening. Realizing her predicament, she came up with a novel solution.
Later that evening she served her guests duck a la orange’ with capers in a strawberry crème sauce. Strawberry shortcake was served as dessert. Her guests were delighted!
 
Greenfields said:
Govenator is an undercover cop.
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His undercover disguise is fire hydrant located in a high school parking lot where he writes down the names of those students that are smoking cigarettes. It is not a pleasant duty when one considers stray dogs doing their own duty near him, and birds landing on him.
 
Milt is an avid sports fan…goes to baseball, football, and basketball games whenever the opportunity presents itself…he’s too cheap to buy a souvenir program, so, at every game, he buys a hot dog [plenty of mustard - mustard is free…], and writes the game score on the hot dog wrapper…
These wrappers then go into his sports scrapbooks, which are stored in his clothes closet…he claims the stale mustard smell keeps the moths away…
 
Boldlygo is an itinerant hotdog vendor,going from venue to venue …but he never partaken in his own homemade produce as he knows the true ingredients
🐱 🐭…🐿️
 
But I’m getting rich, and as an American Capitalist, that’s all that matters…more money more money…hee hee hee…

Greenfields, aka HogCalling Sally, almost put me out of business…she developed a call that scared away all the critters within half a mile…she was arrested when the National Guard had to be mobilized to help ‘neutralize’ all the animals from the carnivore display at the zoo…
 
Having made an obscene fortune on his “secret ingredient” hot dogs (hint, finally the brown acid from Woodstock has been found), boldlygo is living it up in sunny Mexico. However, word on the street is that Oscar Meyer is none to happy with bg cutting into his fortune and has hired several men with crooked noses and last names that end in a vowel, to “alleviate” the problem. Boldlygo now looks over his shoulder for swarthy men in white on white suits and ties with big bulges under the vest pocket. Prayers are asked for boldlygo’s safety. That however, has never worked in the past. We here at channel 7 news will watch the obits in the next coming weeks to see if our friend makes the late edition.
 
Greenfields is the first cat in the world capable of rational discussion. I designed the chip that made it all possible.
 
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IWG is a deft hand at making fantastic potato chips…
so long as they have plenty of chicken salt 😼
 
After her arrest, Greenfields, aka HogCalling Sally, was targeted by the SPCA…they insisted on solitary confinement, and Sally was taken to the dungeon…breakfast, lunch, and dinner were gruel and water…after a few days, she talked the guard into bringing some salt and pepper, so the gruel would at least be edible…
The guard didn’t like Sally at all, and brought her cayenne pepper instead of black pepper…she used it anyway, and the resulting scream brought down the dungeon walls around her…she’s now recuperating in the infirmary, and the food is much better…
 
Boldlygo sold the prison the cayenne pepper and bribed the guards to put it in Greenfield’s food. And Oscar Meyer has doubled the bounty on boldlygo’s head.
 
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