Simonmic I understand where you are coming from. There is a time when we all want to see God to believe. There are those who learn by hearing, those who learn by doing and those who learn by seeing. You might fall into the category of those who learn by seeing.
God is speaking to you. He speaks to you all the time. I won’t say he will ever appear to you in person but he has left his Word, which is His love letter to us.
Also, the Catholic church is the visible sign of God in this world. Yes, there are problems but that is because the Church has people and all people are sinners. If you truly look at the Catholic church itself it’s history, it’s teachings and how God has led it and protected it you would see God and his wonderful work.
Many times als it is in other people we see God. The saints of yesterday and today are all images of God because they show how God worked in their life.
Ask God to reveal himself to you, not in a physical way but in a spiritual way, which is the closest you can get to him. Also, ask him to send you a saint or two to help you. Trust me he will but you have to keep your eyes and ears open and he will reveal himself to you in wonderful ways.
You mentioned your sins and I just want to say as someone who has committed some pretty horrible sins that there is nothing that can’t be forgiven. He is always there and has his arms open wide. Which reminds me there is another place to encounter God. You won’t see him personally physically but the Sacrament of Reconciliation is awesome and beautiful and a wonderful way to feel the presence of God and stop carrying the burden of those sins.
You might want to check out Saint John of the Cross.
God bless and praying for you.
I’ve gone through this before with others…others online whom i tested, if you wanna call it that. Due to my fears mostly.
While i lacked and still lack belief, i turned to them “Your kind of people” and found that that there is no real love. Found that my sins may be forgiven by Christ, but not His people, if they knew of them.
I went through it with some of them in emails , one for almost over 3 yrs by asking what would do they do and think of me if they all knew my sins? What would they really think of me, even if i had confessed to a priest? What if l lived in their neighbourhood, instead of the convenience and easy-peasy way of them telling me i am loved online alone~?
What would their friends do and think of me? Do you really love me as yourself? Do you really love me as He loved you?
All i got was excuses. Changes into what love was,or what i thought it was, so as they would not have to commit to someone like me and merely just say the word love so that in their minds, Jesus will bless them for it. Just say it casually, as if they telling a lamp post they loved it and then wallowed in their own self-satisfaction. One called it a “FRATERNAL” love…lol…others merely remained silent when i asked for a REAL friend too…
The word love is bastardised and used to suit so that people, if i begged them for it, would either not say a thing, or change the word so that it meant NOTHING…It’s a throw-away word…Pass someone in the street, say" i love you", i reply, “then will you be a real friend when i have none?” They reply with either, “Go find other friends, i’m rather picky about mine, go find other friends OTHER than me or my friends…i’m late for church…byeeeeeee”
Or the usual cliche" You have to earn your friendship Simon"
Or, “We will pray for you…and nothing more.”
If you think i’m out of line for writing the above, that’s ok.
Simon
