What is your dream girl like?

[chicago]

The ladies on this thread really do need to chill out. Madaglan is clearly speaking from a uniquely male perspective in language that guys all understand. Indeed, I’ve found some of his off the cuff quip backs to be hilarious.

Let’s be honest, men are enticed by the visual. everybody knows that! As such, physical attraction is, at some level, initially important. A guy just isn’t going to marry a gal who he considers ugly (however he defines that).

Among men, then, it’s no big deal to discuss the physical attributes of women. It’s not a matter of making females into a meat market, but simply acknowledging what they find attractive and an appreciation of beauty.

For example, a friend of mine frequently talks about how he finds dark skinned Southern European and middle Eastern women attractive. I, in turn, joke about the “pretty Polish girl with long auburn hair” who I “go to Mass to look at”.

But no guy is saying that personality or faith or what have you doesn’t matter. Nor that they would stop loving a spouse as she aged and gained weight. Or even that he would never date anybody who doesn’t fit the “perfect description”.

Rather, it’s sort of like looking at art and acknowledging what one’s tastes are, or what a fine creation the Artist has wrought. A “dream girl” is just that: a concept which envisions that which someone might consider physically beautiful. Or that which “does something for him”. It’s an honest refection which creates an idealized fantasy, not necessarily a realistic expectation.

 

[Minerva]

one thing to keep in mind is that if you are attracted to a person because of their non-physical qualities, they often seem more physically attractive to you than they are to others. This actually backfired on me when I was in college…I met a guy who I thought was just a wonderful person (boy was I ever wrong). He was short and very plain looking, but to me he was gorgeous. Ironically he rejected me because I wasn’t pretty enough for him!!

I lucked out when I met my husband though - great personality and handsome as can be But that wasn’t what I was attracted to at first. When we met he was about 15-20 lb overweight, but I saw past that and loved him for who he was. Soon he was also the most handsome guy in the world as far as I was concerned. Within a year he’d lost alot of weight and is now on the thin side - hot to the world not just to me.

 

[Alterum]

chicago:

Madaglan is clearly speaking from a uniquely male perspective in language that guys all understand.

…

Let’s be honest, men are enticed by the visual. everybody knows that!

…

Among men, then, it’s no big deal to discuss the physical attributes of women.

…

Rather, it’s sort of like looking at art and acknowledging what one’s tastes are…

As a male, I find this mildly offensive. Madaglan is not speaking from a “uniquely male perspective.” All the women here could easily reciprocate this discussion if they wanted to. I think it’s wrong to discuss women’s physical attributes in this manner. I’m afraid that women have less and less respect for men because of posts like this.

If it is indeed “no big deal” to discuss the physical attributes of women, why not discuss the most sexually-appealing physical attributes as well? What’s the difference? An explicit physical discussion is simply about sexual appetite, whether or not it’s entirely indecent and gratuitous. In this case, this thread is fostering a very harmful attitude - namely, that it’s okay to separate and discuss female bodily features as though we’re comparing objects, not thinking about people.

But let’s not just take my word for it. Women, how do you feel about guys viewing you as though you were a piece of artwork hanging in a museum, discussing your features, comparing height and weight and color and build? Wives, how do you compare to your husband’s “dream girl”? This certainly isn’t an appropriate way to treat women when we’re married. Why is it acceptable when we aren’t?

 

[rayne89]

Alterum:

Wives, how do you compare to your husband’s “dream girl”? QUOTE]

What do you mean? I AM my husbands dream girl.

My husband is not a dumb guy. A few weeks ago I was bummed out thinking about how I’ve gained some weight as I’ve gotten older. My husband looks the same as when we met (except for the goatee he now has-without it you could mistake him for a teenager.Well his hair has thinned a little too.) I asked him if it bothered him that I gained some weight and he said I was beautiful just the way I was. I said Ok but was I more attractive to you before? He looked at me and said “We are not having this conversation” and I laughed.

I have major medical problems. Heart failure and Crohn’s. I have scars from surgeries (most from when I was a child). My husband has seen me at my worst, and has had to help me in ways I’m sure he would never have imagined. Not once, not ever has he ever made me feel that I was anything but beautiful to him. I am very blessed.

 

[chicago]

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

Madaglan:

Sure, looks aren’t everything! If you had read my description then you would have found out that I like personality, too. Reading your posts, I don’t see why I should go after some 300-pound toothless porker when I can marry someone who is somewhat hot (at least initially attractive) and still has a great personality. Fat women are the biggest turn off to me. I think many of you people are just trying to set my standards too low. And I’m not going to listen to it. There are tons of pretty women out there; and I don’t see why I should force upon myself someone whom I can’t stand to look at. Maybe not the perfect dream girl I have in mind, but I’m not going to marry someone who isn’t ugly either–especially if she is more than a little overweight.

In any case, I want a girl who’s active. So if she is active and likes the outdoors, then it is less likely that she will be overweight anyhow.

 

[misericordie]

Hermione:

Madaglan,

Maybe you should use your “rather high” intelligence to learn about anorexia and healthy weights for women. The woman you’re describing probably wouldn’t have her period, would be losing bone density at an alarming rate (and have osteoporosis when she’s 40), her brain would be starving and she’d have all sorts of psychological and cognitive problems. And if you used your really big brain you’d realize that there’s a very low probability of you finding a woman who met those criteria and was healthy.

But maybe you are aware of all these things and simply don’t care. How “kind and considerate” of you.

Unfortunately, I think that anything anyone here will say will have absolutely no effect on you. I wouldn’t be surprised if every time you read something on here you were thinking to yourself: I don’t need to listen to these people. After all, my intelligence is “rather high,” and I am “very kind and considerate,” I just “feel bad for fat and ugly girls,” although “I don’t think I could date one.” After all, an outstanding guy like me who has been compared to GOD HIMSELF deserves better! There’s just no end to how amazing I am, the “sweetest guy [many girls] have ever known.” And to add to all these incredible things, I am “just and noble” as well.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” (Matthew 18:1-5 NIV)

“Whoever shall exalt himself shall be abased, and he that humbles himself shall be exalted.” (Luke 14:11 NRSV)

I still love the beu smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_9_6v.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_4_5.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_4_6.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_4_1.gif tuful Jennifer Love Hewitt: She would make the ideal wife: for ME.

 

[misericordie]

Minerva:

one thing to keep in mind is that if you are attracted to a person because of their non-physical qualities, they often seem more physically attractive to you than they are to others. This actually backfired on me when I was in college…I met a guy who I thought was just a wonderful person (boy was I ever wrong). He was short and very plain looking, but to me he was gorgeous. Ironically he rejected me because I wasn’t pretty enough for him!!

I lucked out when I met my husband though - great personality and handsome as can be But that wasn’t what I was attracted to at first. When we met he was about 15-20 lb overweight, but I saw past that and loved him for who he was. Soon he was also the most handsome guy in the world as far as I was concerned. Within a year he’d lost alot of weight and is now on the thin side - hot to the world not just to me.

I really wished I had a nice decent girlfriend who is a beliver in God, and very catholic, buy pretty too. But, it seems many women don’t like good guys like me.

 

[Lisa4Catholics]

A 300 pound toothless porker? Did you say fat girls are a turn off to you? Do you realize how shallow and cold you sound? There are alot of posts here on eating disorders and it can go both ways lighter or heavier. Please your attitude as well as alot of society contributes to the problem. Women are not a trophy intended to turn you on! Women are people as well with feelings and a God given dignity regardless of height, weight, tall,or short. Women every day starve themselves, eat themselves to death, even commit suicide, because they have been reduced to a thing, a doll until a better one comes along. It is very sad that people have been so hardened that exterior is of the utmost importance. And perhaps the fat people who"turn you off" got that way to keep from being reduced to an object you don’t know. And it is sad that so many teens are dying to reach a perfection that can never be attained, just to be loved. Isee these women escorted by boyfriends to the abortion mill every week. They are downcast, depressed, is it about money, are they afraid the pregnancy will make them look fat? It is quite sick, if you really think hard about it. St. Francis was disgusted by lepers until he kissed ones hand and turned around and the leper was gone, he always felt it was Jesus in disguise. I hope you find a 300 pound woman"toothless" and talk to her and get to know her and your perception of beautiful might change. Then please go to a hospital that treats anorexics and talk to them and try to figure out how they got in that possition. God Bless

 

[rayne89]

Lisa4Catholics:

. Women are not a trophy intended to turn you on! Women are people as well with feelings and a God given dignity regardless of height, weight, tall,or short.

Amen!

 

[SwordofLight]

Age? within a few years of myself

Hair color? Dark brown

Eye color? dark

Height? 5’5 or moreish (I’m 6’3+)

Weight? proportioned, comfortable with herself

Nationality? European France, Spain, Italy (CATHOLICS ROCK)

Intelligence? what kind of a question is this? I’ll say “not an airhead”

Personality? cute, caring, someone that can put up with my quirks

Other: Catholic, or atleast "convert"able (not the car)

 

[JMJ_Pinoy]

Age? 16 (my age.)

Hair color? black or brown.

**Eye color? **brown.

**Height? **not taller than me.

Weight? about my weight or less.

**Nationality? **Asian/Pacific Islander.

**Intelligence? **average, at the least.

Personality? kind, bright, fun, Catholic.

No wonder I’m having such a difficult time finding a girlfriend! Perhaps I should lower my expectations a little?

 

[misericordie]

rayne89:

Amen!

I do agree. [smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_5_122.gif](http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYY87US) [smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_5_125v.gif](http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYY87US) [smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_4_15.gif](http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYY87US) [smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_2_103v.gif](http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYY87US) [smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_10_3.gif](http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYY87US)

 

[SocaliCatholic]

** Lets see… my dream girl would be about 21 years of age Praying on her knees before God at Church!!!**

(I like any women who thinks im attractive since I’m not)

 

[misericordie]

** Lets see… my dream girl would be about 21 years of age Praying on her knees before God at Church!!!**

(I like any women who thinks im attractive since I’m not)

smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_211.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_210.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_209.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_214.gif smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_102.gif

 

[katybird]

Let’s cut him a little slack on the measurements. The fact is, I have no idea how much George Clooney weighs. I have a better idea of what a particular woman weighs because I am a woman and I know how womens’ weight works better. Still, I have been confused by this in the past. At the height of Cindy Crawford’s popularity, I read that she was 125lbs and 5’10" - well, at the time, I was 125lbs and 5’10" and I can assure you that I didn’t look like Cindy Crawford. You could see my ribs a little, and my collar bone stuck out a bit, and I didn’t look like THAT even in a WonderBra. I looked at her, and other supermodels who claimed similar stats and I thought “are their breasts filled with HELIUM?”

My guess is that they were either lying about their weight or they were somehow very smallboned.

I think a guy sees a girl he considers super-hot, and is told that she weighs a certain amount, and he figures “OK, that’s what I want.” I think Jennifer Love Hewitt is a tiny thing (somehow, she manages to fit those breasts onto a frame that contains about as much bone as a chicken wing) and she probably does weigh about 105lbs. I wouldn’t hold it against a guy to say “I like petite yet curvy girls who look like Jennifer Love Hewitt” but I don’t think the guy would much care if he found out that some girl he met, who struck him as gorgeous, weighed 140lbs.

Madgalen, I saw in your post certain indicators that you suffer from NiceGuy-itis. Do women often tell you, when you finally get your nerve up to ask your friends if they’d like a more romantic relationship “Oh, you’re such a nice guy, but I just want to be friends?” That happens all the time. Such guys are either truly super-nice in a dull way that unfortunately immature girls find unexciting, or else they’re not really so very nice. If you’re truly nice, you’ll find a girl whom you find to be gorgeous and she’ll think you’re fabulous, too. But, don’t spend a lot of time thinking about those “shallow” women who don’t like you - it will make you bitter and you’ll be doomed!

 

[DarkestHour1980]

In my opinion, thinking about what your dream girl is like is some what of a waste of time. You can come up with your opinion of what the perfect woman for you would be like, but if you are meant to get married, God will send you someone that your “dream” girl couldn’t compare to.

 

[Tom]

Madaglan:

This is for other guys like me.

If you could create in your mind your dream girl, what would she look and be like?

Madaglan:

Age?

She is 51. Two years younger than me.

Madaglan:

Hair color?

Brown, with four children worth of graying.

Madaglan:

Eye color?

Beautiful brown.

Madaglan:

Height?

5’4” on a good day.

Madaglan:

Weight?

Varies according to husband induced stress.

Madaglan:

Nationality?

U.S.A. (Italian heritage)

Madaglan:

Intelligence?

Brilliant, she’s only done one stupid thing in her life, yeah, you guessed it. Her B.A. degree is in Chemistry, her M.A. is in education administration. She’s also a computer guru.

Madaglan:

Personality?

Wonderful, warm, caring.
We’ve been married 31 years.

 

[Madaglan]

RETRACTION (And some questions in earnest):

(Please read to the end before coming to any conclusions)

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the 300 pound toothless porker comment. I should have been more sensitive towards the audience. I know that people have obesity problems, and I feel sorry for them. If I hurt their feelings I apologize. None of you know me in person, so it’s hard to show you that I’m really not the bad, shallow person you make me to be. I’m just an average umarried young male who doesn’t glorify the woman body above everything else, but who nontheless feels a physical attraction to women.

Concerning some other posts I made. Presently I feel there is nothing wrong with a guy wanting a pretty girl, much less a girl wanting a handsome guy. It does not mean that you reject someone who isn’t; it’s just something that everyone does, even if he or she is not aware of it. I know girls who have stated that they will only go after guys of specific physical characteristics–and at least one of them was a strong Catholic and in my Newman Club a few years ago. Another woman I know, when in Catholic high school and college, would only go out with guys who owned sports cars. Many girls focus on personality, but many also want a man who is strong and able to protect and provide for them.

I’m not realistically after some girl who’s top of the cream. I consider 9/10 girls at my college physically attractive (if not “hot”), and wouldn’t mind having them as a girlfriend–even if they weren’t my “dream girl.” If one of the other 1/10 girls showed an interest in me, then, if her personality really went well with mine, I would consider her.

In any case, I’m willing, and indeed request to take additional reprove; but please make it constructive criticism. You’ve already knocked me to the ground; now teach me how I should think and why; and more importantly, why I (and many other Catholic guys my age, think the way we do). Many of you are much older than me and have gone through numerous failed relationships before figuring out about how relationships are best kept. So I’ll trust your advice in this field.

So, for those who have already been angry at me, and others who wish to add some tips, allow me ask a few questions which are really bugging me:

1. Why should physical attractiveness play no role whatsoever in dating? (Everyone I know, even priests I know, seem to think it plays some role, if not a major one)
2. If physical attractiveness plays no role whatsoever, why did God create man to be physically attracted to certain women over other women?
3. Does the scientifically established fact that men are naturally more visual in their attractiveness to women, and the fact that women care more about what how the man will provide for her, have any role in romantic relationships?

These are honest questions. I understand that many women, while not focusing on the physical exterior of a man, will focus on the interior–and more importantly, how that man will provide for her. Most men, I would venture, do place an emphasis on the exterior, though not to the disclusion of personality and the interior of a woman.

I again apologize if my views are presently different and most likely offensive ot you. I have been raised with the implicit understanding that physical attraction is important in relationships, if not the most important factor. Many Disney movies like Alladin and the Little Mermaid surreptitiously and instill these seemingly innocuous ideas into young minds. In most cases in these movies the male protaganist sees a girl from afar, and without even knowing her yet says, “Oh wow, I want to meet her”–and so he does, finds out she’s a great girl, and marries her.

(Continued)

 

[Madaglan]

Another problem I have is that I’m a student of English Literature–in particular British literature prior to the 20th century. In nearly all these books–many written by women novelists–it’s the man who sees a woman, thinks, “Wow! Who is she?” and then proceeds to woo after her.

I’m not making these as excuses, but I just was hoping some people can make me to understand why one should not look at the physical characteristics of others at all when wanting to get into a relationship? And how is it any more wrong to reject someone because of personality (which is innate to a degree) than for physical characteristics (which are also innate to a degree).
I’ve had girls who like me physically and like me because of my kindness and gentleness towards them, but they are ultimately turned off by my social anxiety and shyness–not by anything I say towards them. I just don’t think it’s any different for a woman to have a perogative to reject or jilt a guy because he’s poor, diffident or who does not provide the girl with a satisfactory number of flowers and other sentimental objects, than for a guy to have a perogative to reject or jilt someone who has a physical disease that makes a relationship difficult. And sadly, I know many girls who have jilted guys on the former basis (including my sister who jilted her boyfriend because he wasn’t giving her enough objects–although he gave her quite a few from what I can gather from her room).

4 ) So, is it right to say that neither sex has a right to reject or jilt on these conditions? If not, how should things be done?

Again, if any of these questions appear goading, I apologize. I honestly want real answers at this time, just as Christ forgave and then gave answers to those whom he reproved. And I politely request that you, as imitators of Christ, tone down the anger when giving rational answers to my questions now asked in earnest–in spite of any anger I may have provoked in you. Thank you and God Bless.