What's the point in dating in today's society

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Honourable men don’t use tricks to find their life match. They don’t employ deceit
 
To be fair, he is still in school. There is a general sexual paranoia in higher ed. What counts as harassment on campus may be trivial in the wider world.
 
I don’t think there’s really a better strategy than to “get around” and take risks. When I was a young man I dated a lot and enjoyed it, but I was always really looking for a prospective spouse. The big temptation with something like that is “staying too long at the fair”. One had to end a lot of relationships early once one figured out the other person is really not who I would want to marry.

The original poster, I take it, is in law school and is therefore probably in his early twenties. If this not one of those “free standing” law schools that aren’t just part of a university, his best chances are right now. “Back in the day” I used to even just walk into womens’ dorm lobbies and ask out someone who took my fancy. One would think that would draw an immediate turndown, but it didn’t. But it was always a risk. I “bird dogged” (do they still say that) other mens’ dates if I perceived that the lady wasn’t all that taken with the present escort.

Ultimately, I met my wife at a political victory party. I was then a Democrat and she was a Republican, but (blush) I thought Repub women were better-looking than Dem women, or at least they dressed and made up better than young Dem women did at the time, and went to their party instead of my own. I knew there would be young women there who were campaign workers, and so there were. We didn’t like each other at first and threw barbs at each other for a time. But then I guess we started to appreciate each other, and the rest is history.

When I was in graduate school, there weren’t a lot of women in the law schools, but now they’re the majority. My son went to law school and he had young ladies all over him, and they were Catholic too. It was a Catholic law school, very Catholic. He didn’t find “Ms. Right” there either for all of the kinds of reasons he had (I think he was just more reluctant to commit than anything else) As a beginning lawyer, he found that there were no few single female lawyers, and some of them made it very clear that they were interested in him. But he had a prejudice about lady lawyers…thought they would put career over everything else, and maybe he was right. I dont’ know.

He dated non-lawyer women, but none of them seemed to him who he wanted to marry. Seriousness about religion was often part of it.

Ultimately, he met his wife after graduation at a St. Patrick’s Day party thrown by one of his school friends. My son lived in Southern Mo and his future wife lived in Maine at the time. The party was in DC. Their meeting at all was extremely improbable. After they decided to get married (later on of course) she admitted to him that she had been praying to St. Joseph that she find a suitable spouse. It didn’t hurt that “Joseph” is his middle name. She took that for a sign, and perhaps it was. So it isn’t as if there are no attractive, devout Catholic women out there.

Pretty improbable series of events, but he’s happily married now, and his wife is indisputably devout.

Long story, and maybe of no value to the poster, but the moral of the story is “get around”.
 
There are only a few catholic women at my school and they don’t go to mass on Sunday and two lawyers are too many lol. I don’t want to date a lawyer or a colleague
 
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If I were you, I would just wait it out until you are in a spot where there are more young people around you and you’ll have more time to relax and socialize without the stress of school.

As a young person from a small midwestern town, I definitely know how difficult it can be to meet devout Catholics in the same age range. Most in my hometown parish were at least 50. I’ve found that upon attending the Latin mass, there are surprisingly a lot of young people there. My guess is many are probably in the same boat as you.
 
jdavani said:
There are only a few catholic women at my school and they don’t go to mass on Sunday
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Not to be a smart aleck here, but as a young man I found that young women could sometimes be “converted” and not just from Protestantism to Catholicism. I found that if I took the lead, spiritually, many of them would follow. I think some young Catholic women “go secular” because they don’t think they have a choice. That’s weak, I know, but men have weaknesses too. I think that even many “secularized” Catholic young women are, deep down, hoping they’ll find a man who’ll lead into paths that are deeply satisfying. I used to ask some of them to go to Mass with me. No kidding, and then I would say things like “oh, yes, there’s a confessional line here. I’m going to go. Want to go with me?”

I’m a long way from being a model of Catholicism. I’m vain and I can really be vulgar and harsh in my speech. As a young man I was a hard drinker and wild. But I really did engage women in talk about religion. Sometimes I was half-drunk when I did it. Sometimes I think it shocked them.

One that sticks in my mind was at a party. My date was Catholic but pretty secular. I had been drinking, but I wasn’t really drunk. I took her out for some air and suddenly said “you know, this is really fun, but it’s not what either one of us is really about. I know I’m actually about all the old truths; fidelity, family, faith, work, and my suspicion is that you are too…” And so on. It really brought her real self out and it was a very, very good conversation from then on.

A lot of people are a lot better people than they pretend to be.
 
Maybe you could do that but I don’t think I could. I think you must’ve been exceptionally good looking to have dated so many and had women falling for you. It’s not that way for all
 
I’m not bad looking but I’ll never be a ladies man. Thanks for your advice but I don’t even know how to go about dating a bunch of different women at once. It just seems like a headache honestly
 
misstherese said:
without the stress of school
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Lawyers have told me there’s a saying about law school. It goes something like: “Freshmen are scared to death. Juniors are worked to death. And Seniors are bored to death.”

Time to go do “cold calls” in the womens’ dorms, if ever there was one and if one is a senior. Seniors, my son maintains, never flunk out. But one more thing. One of the young women who romanced my son in law school admitted the only reason she was there was to meet a young man. She graduated and all, and shortly married one of my son’s classmates. I doubt she ever practiced law.
Interestingly, most law graduates nowadays don’t.

But it can be the other way. One of my son’s best friends in law school married a classmate. She went on to practice law in some kind of less demanding branch of it. He started an organization that smuggles religious minorities out of harm’s way in Syria. Does some of it himself; bribing people, dodging radicals, and taking them into Turkey.

Or at least, he did do that for quite awhile. I don’t know now.

People are often not what they seem.
 
I’m not that kind of man to just flirt with strangers like you mentioned. I’ve never done something like that and I don’t think I ever will. I’ve met a few women who only go to school to find a husband and nothing is more unattractive to me than that. I’m just not that kind of guy to just flirt with and date a log of women.
 
Women do the same thing, frankly. It’s just how some people work. I wouldn’t wait around for them. It’s not even unusual for that to happen.
 
jdavani said:
Maybe you could do that but I don’t think I could. I think you must’ve been exceptionally good looking to have dated so many and had women falling for you. It’s not that way for all
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Not especially good looking, and I’m shorter than most besides. I was really more brash than anything. And I always wanted to surprise. Why? Well, I came tot he conclusion that women, like men, wear a shell most of the time. Sometimes the shell can’t be cracked, but mostly it can be. But it takes some kind of surprise; something unexpected, to get through it.

Yes, like us men, they’re trying to be brave. They’re in a world full of hazards and uncertainties and they’re dealing with it the best they can. And the world expect a certain presentation or it will reject you. But then there’s the real you…or her. And even the bravest and the one with the best front has deep-seated wishes that really surpass everything else. One has to get down to that. “Yes, you’re a woman and I’m a man, and you’re just delicious in every way, poor overwhelmed me, and a man can never really understand a woman the way she understands herself, but let’s really talk. I like sitting down on the levee and watching the barges and talking about life, and I like you. Want to?”

I didn’t date a “bunch of women” at the same time; more like two or three, but sometimes only one if I was really trying hard to figure her out and liked her besides. I really enjoyed it because I really enjoyed women. Still do. Now, of course, it’s just my wife and old ladies. Old ladies know you’re just being nice if you admire something about them: “I don’t mean to offend, but your eyes are an unusual blue-green. Very pretty. Are those contacts or are your eyes really that color?” (of course, you check to see she’s not wearing contacts first) My wife doesn’t care as long as they’re really old.

“Oh my goodness! Why no. I’m not wearing contacts. Nice of you to say. You see, my mother…”

At any age, women appreciate things like that.

Every guy’s personality is different. What a guy needs to focus on is not himself, but the woman. What is SHE, really. What does SHE think about. what doe SHE really want out of life. Focus on the woman, and you’ll be fine.
 
No my mom thinks it would be better if I never married because she’s convinced that women will just want to take advantage of me because I’m financially well off.

It makes sense. There are a lot of divorces out there. My mom would rather me just live with someone and never marry. That way she could have grandkids and she wouldn’t have to worry about me being taken advantage of. But I’d never live with someone unless I were married since I believe in the sacrament. My mom thinks people only get married because they’re young and dumb or because they’re trying to take someone’s money
 
I know she is but she thinks that way because she was abused by my dad for years
 
jdavani said:
I’m just saying how I feel
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Based on what?

I’m sorry, but it sounds like some cliche you are repeating, not something that you are saying from any experiences you have had. You imply that you don’t have a lot of experience or success finding dates, and then you throw that comment out there.
 
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