Why I reject Jesus

[Larry1700]

:nope:

I’m too tired for this conversation - I’m evil and wrong and selfish and that’s the end of it.I could have seen it coming, but how can I resist the pain? every bit of misery atones for my sins

i am self-centered in speaking out loud the injuries done to me, I should keep quiet.

If someone wants to delete the post, go ahead … this faith, its reasons, its logic is far too painful for me

You’re not evil. Maybe you have sinned a lot, but you’re not evil. We all have sinned. I myself have done thousands of sinful things in my life. And as for selfishness? I’m selfish too That’s one of the things I pray that God will help me to overcome. I don’t believe I’m very compassionate/caring, and I see most things in terms of what my needs are.

There’s nothing wrong with “speaking out loud.” If you read the Bible, many prophets and David (in the Psalms) get angry and yell at God from time to time.

But God does love us. He loves me, and He loves you. He is merciful and forgiving, if we have contrite hearts, and you clearly have contrition for your sins. Many people don’t acknowledge their sins, or don’t care. You’re a thousand miles ahead of them because you recognize your failures. The next step is to recognize God’s mercy.

I’m just coming out of the worst 3 years of my life. At the very beginning I considered suicide. It has gradually gotten better. There were times when it got worse again, but the general trend is for the better. You’ve already read about the man who lost 3 loved ones at the same time, and now has leukemia. You can get through this tough time in your life, too. It doesn’t seem like it now, but hold on…it will get better.

 

[JRKH]

Dear James,

I can appreciate where you’re coming from and certainly your heart is in the right place. However, I don’t see where anyone here was responding in a cruel manner. All of us are offering prayers to the OP and want her to feel God’s love. Truth without charity is hard for anyone to embrace; however, charity without truth will not yield positive results in this case either. If others and I are at one end of the spectrum (and I don’t believe that we are) then possibly you may be viewed as being on the other end. The fact is no one here can accurately assess the OP’s situation. We only know what information she has given us and she came here seeking truth, not to be told to “just rest for now.” I have read many posts by the OP and based on those posts, I believe that the OP may be suffering from depression and low self-esteem. I’m not a doctor, but if the OP is telling the truth and truly feels that God is out to get her, perhaps she needs more than to “just rest.” She may need to speak to a professional about these feelings.

God bless.

I do appreciate that these posts were made with the best of intentions, but some of the later ones were just flat, “off the mark”, with regards to what is needed. I understand that there are uncomfortable truths that sometimes need to be said, but timing is everything.
Think of it this way. Our faith has many mysteries about it. Why? Because God has not revealed all truth to us yet. Why? Because we are not ready for it.
I think the same thing is true in every individual case. God reveals Himself and His truths to us as individuals when we are ready to receive them, and others telling us “truths” will make no difference.

Lovelylady (aka uglygal) believes strongly in God, and has a very loving and personal relationship with Him. What she has troubles with is “Jesus”, and “religion”. It is obviously a very difficult and touchy subject for her and at this point she is very fragile.
Her fragility is what I was trying to point to. She is comfortable in God’s arms, and she must grow at her own speed.

Yours in Christ
James

 

[JReducation]

I’ve done a great deal of work in the field of counseling and spiritual direction. I do believe that we have to be careful on these threads that we do not cross the line. Sometimes the best response is to refer someone to a counselor or a spiritual director and leave it at that.

It’s ok to speak about God’s love and his presence in our lives. We must be careful not to analyze someone at a distance.

If anyone is interested in learning how to write to a soul who is struggling I recommend that you read Francis De Sales, Jane De Chantal: Letters of Spiritual Direction (Classics of Western Spirituality). It’s an awesome book and serves as an excellent guide on style and manner of offering direction at a distance.

It was originally published as Introduction to the Devout Life by Francis De Sales. What the publishers have done is taken the letters that Francis wrote to Jane de Chantal and put them into one volume along with her responses and questions.

Either book is good reading and offers a good example of how to respond to people who struggle. You can get them cheap on amazon.com

It’s a good read, even though the translation into English lacks the French poetry. We can’t have it all, can we.

 

[Belle10]

:nope:

I’m too tired for this conversation - I’m evil and wrong and selfish and that’s the end of it.I could have seen it coming, but how can I resist the pain? every bit of misery atones for my sins

Beautiful-gal, we are all sinners – please don’t try to just end the conversation by saying you’re “evil” because that’s not true.

i am self-centered in speaking out loud the** injuries done to me, I should keep quiet**.

Aside from suggestions already made, might I suggest you speak with a counselor? The bolded part of your comment above leads me to think that perhaps your sadness and lack of trust in the Jesus and the Church are due to a specific incident(s) that need to be addressed. I sincerely hope you will speak with a trained professional (and a priest) to try to resolve the wounds that are causing you so much pain – and that are moving your further away from Jesus.

Praying for you.

 

[pray4peace]

((((uglygal))):hug1:,

Saying prayers that God will surround you with His loving embrace, and grant you much peace.

Blessings

 

[uglygal]

I Believe …

• everyday is the Holy Day of God the Father - that’s why there’s no set feast for Him
• The Father is with you always, every ray of light during the day is His presence shone down upon you, every breath you breathe is His spirit in you (because you need the Spirit of God to live), every star at night is the eye of God gazing down to watch you during the night
• The Holy Spirit of God is His arms that reach down to pick you up and take you to heaven
• The worst torment of hell is separation from the Father and not loving + being loved by the Father
• The Father will provide - this life, the next life and ever after
• Suffering happens - but with the Father that which is ugly can be turned into something beautiful
• Love is the measure of your “holiness” and “righteousness”
• You can enter heaven by it’s gates … or you can take the easier route through the Father’s love
• Faith is not about ecstasies, revelations and miracles - it is about loyalty to One God and Trust in Him alone
• steadfast trust in the Father through adversity is a greater miracle than being healed of aids/cancer
• Loyalty to the Father when you have every reason to abandon him is a greater miracle than being risen from the dead
• To suffer with resignation to the Father’s care and will and remain beautiful (gentle, humble, charitable, loving) whilst suffering, is greater than heroics and big achievements
• the Father never tempts you or sets you up to fall - he ‘assigns’ you suffering / injustice sometimes so the fire of love in you heart can turn it into beauty for Him and others - thus you cooperate in His work and desire to annihilate evil and all that is ugly
• work and love of the Father should not be motivated by a desire for “heavenly glory” and “merit” - it should be motivated for love
• The love of the Father - to be loved by the Father is the greatest crown of glory
• The Father does not want me to run the good race and win (as St Paul teaches) because a race implies ‘winners’ and ‘losers’, those who are ‘first’ and those who will be ‘last’. The Father wants me to journey with Him and in the end the distance I walk will not matter - rather the number of steps I took* with *him
• sometimes religious people know a lot *about *God but they do not *know * God

This is what I believe, this is the faith that brings me joy
I’m actually smiling as I write this and feel as happy as a … um someone very happy

Yes I will speak with a counsellor (again) I though I was finished with them but perhaps I’m not … and I don;t want to be miserable, because misery causes bitterness, that leads to hate, that leads to being a grouch - though I am seeing a pattern emerge here, whenever I think about Jesus, or deal with Him i always become frighteningly depressed and suicidal?

I’m the type of person that God is everything to me - he is my best friend, my family, my provider, my protector, my joy. When I feel that he doesn’t love me anymore I fall into the deepest depression, anxiety and misery and I search for Him until I find Him again. As much as I hate it, I think about Him all the time, everyday, my first thought upon waking is of Him. If i were separated from Him I would die a worst death than all the souls damned to hell put together.

I have been thinking of a possibility that perhaps the “Jesus” I know and have dealt with all these years is really a demon? I think this may be plausible considering some 1 billion people in the world (catholic / protestant / muslim) say that Jesus is great and yet my experience and knowledge of him is opposite. This “Jesus” would speak to me, and give me visions (aka: my scepticism of apparitions of Mary etc) … and wrecked absolute devastation on me spiritually through ways that I won’t mention on a public forum.

I am going to read my affirmation of faith every morning from now on, because it makes me feel happy and directs my attention to what is good in my life - my Father.

I’m sorry if I make people feel uncomfortable, or sound miserable sometimes. I will try to be happier and contribute happy things to discussions. I’m happy with the kindness many of you have shown me, I think that’s the Father’s gentleness shining through you like sunlight though a prism - its beautiful light but the light is never our own, it’s always His …

 

[TOP]

The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one when you experience them. The Son’s sacrifice made the Father availible to you. The love between the Father and Son produced the Holy Spirit, so powerful it is. Call Him what you want, but He is Lord. Don’t let the enemy divide and conquer!

 

[RC1960]

Rather than a counselor, make an appointment to speak with a hospital’s Catholic priest. These amazing souls see and deal with the extremes of human suffering and joy nearly every day. Their experience may yield a more decisive and appropriate response because they cannot afford to fool around.

 

[JRKH]

I Believe …

• everyday is the Holy Day of God the Father - that’s why there’s no set feast for Him
• The Father is with you always, every ray of light during the day is His presence shone down upon you, every breath you breathe is His spirit in you (because you need the Spirit of God to live), every star at night is the eye of God gazing down to watch you during the night
• The Holy Spirit of God is His arms that reach down to pick you up and take you to heaven
• The worst torment of hell is separation from the Father and not loving + being loved by the Father
• The Father will provide - this life, the next life and ever after
• Suffering happens - but with the Father that which is ugly can be turned into something beautiful
• Love is the measure of your “holiness” and “righteousness”
• You can enter heaven by it’s gates … or you can take the easier route through the Father’s love
• Faith is not about ecstasies, revelations and miracles - it is about loyalty to One God and Trust in Him alone
• steadfast trust in the Father through adversity is a greater miracle than being healed of aids/cancer
• Loyalty to the Father when you have every reason to abandon him is a greater miracle than being risen from the dead
• To suffer with resignation to the Father’s care and will and remain beautiful (gentle, humble, charitable, loving) whilst suffering, is greater than heroics and big achievements
• the Father never tempts you or sets you up to fall - he ‘assigns’ you suffering / injustice sometimes so the fire of love in you heart can turn it into beauty for Him and others - thus you cooperate in His work and desire to annihilate evil and all that is ugly
• work and love of the Father should not be motivated by a desire for “heavenly glory” and “merit” - it should be motivated for love
• The love of the Father - to be loved by the Father is the greatest crown of glory
• The Father does not want me to run the good race and win (as St Paul teaches) because a race implies ‘winners’ and ‘losers’, those who are ‘first’ and those who will be ‘last’. The Father wants me to journey with Him and in the end the distance I walk will not matter - rather the number of steps I took* with *him
• sometimes religious people know a lot *about *God but they do not *know * God

This is what I believe, this is the faith that brings me joy
I’m actually smiling as I write this and feel as happy as a … um someone very happy

Yes I will speak with a counsellor (again) I though I was finished with them but perhaps I’m not … and I don;t want to be miserable, because misery causes bitterness, that leads to hate, that leads to being a grouch - though I am seeing a pattern emerge here, whenever I think about Jesus, or deal with Him i always become frighteningly depressed and suicidal?

I’m the type of person that God is everything to me - he is my best friend, my family, my provider, my protector, my joy. When I feel that he doesn’t love me anymore I fall into the deepest depression, anxiety and misery and I search for Him until I find Him again. As much as I hate it, I think about Him all the time, everyday, my first thought upon waking is of Him. If i were separated from Him I would die a worst death than all the souls damned to hell put together.

I have been thinking of a possibility that perhaps the “Jesus” I know and have dealt with all these years is really a demon? I think this may be plausible considering some 1 billion people in the world (catholic / protestant / muslim) say that Jesus is great and yet my experience and knowledge of him is opposite. This “Jesus” would speak to me, and give me visions (aka: my scepticism of apparitions of Mary etc) … and wrecked absolute devastation on me spiritually through ways that I won’t mention on a public forum.

I am going to read my affirmation of faith every morning from now on, because it makes me feel happy and directs my attention to what is good in my life - my Father.

I’m sorry if I make people feel uncomfortable, or sound miserable sometimes. I will try to be happier and contribute happy things to discussions. I’m happy with the kindness many of you have shown me, I think that’s the Father’s gentleness shining through you like sunlight though a prism - its beautiful light but the light is never our own, it’s always His …

LovelyLady,
I have not heard a more beautiful affirmation of faith in my life and more Christian that many. I hope you don’t mind if I copy it.

I think you may be right that a councilor could be of help. As rightly pointed out by someone earlier, we only know a small portion of each other here. If you have one who you are comfortable with they can be a terrific sounding board.

As for future posts, you just keep on being you girl. It is certain that God has you firmly in hand and heart.
May He continue to Bless you and keep you.

Peace
James

 

[CB_Catholic]

I have been thinking of a possibility that perhaps the “Jesus” I know and have dealt with all these years is really a demon? I think this may be plausible considering some 1 billion people in the world (catholic / protestant / muslim) say that Jesus is great and yet my experience and knowledge of him is opposite. This “Jesus” would speak to me, and give me visions (aka: my scepticism of apparitions of Mary etc) … and wrecked absolute devastation on me spiritually through ways that I won’t mention on a public forum.

Perhaps you have some insight here–Jesus, who is God, cannot act contrary to His own nature, and devastate you spiritually, because that is evil, and God is good. So whatever it was that you saw and heard speaking to you was definitely not Jesus, and in fact turned you away from Him.

I will share something here–I was brought up in my Catholic school in the 50’s in the same manner you speak about. Those who taught me about God emphasized the externals, and punishment was swift and severe if you deviated from them. I learned my Catechism thoroughly–I knew all the rules and regulations and prayers and apparitions and novenas, and fasts and abstinences, and was all too well aware of my sins. Plus I was from an alcoholic and divorced home, so the “sin” of my dear mother, who chose to divorce the man rather than put up with the abuse and beatings and danger to her children was visited upon my brother and I by those responsible for our religious formation. When I was 7 years old I looked into the mirror in my bedroom and said “You are ugly and nobody likes you.” I had absolutely no concept that God loved me. Sure, it said so in my Catechism, and I parrotted it, and even believed it in an intellectual sort of way,
but that did not penetrate my soul. For the next 21 years of my life, that is how I believed and lived. I was depressed, angry (but it was very hidden) and suicidal at times. And very self-centered, while trying to put on a “good” front to everyone.

Then when I was 28 years old, someone showed me a way out of my misery and I began to seek God (I won’t go into details), and He found me. I had built up such a false image of Him that I had to totally relearn about Him–He taught me patiently. Jesus is now alive in my life, and very personal, but it sure wasn’t easy to come to this point, and I am not fully there. There was a lot of suffering involved, physically and mentally, and I had to have a lot of counseling, but He never gave up on me, even in my most depressing moments, even when I ignored Him, was not faithful to Him, did not pray as I should, etc. I am 59 years old now, and just beginning to realize that life is not about me at all, it’s about Him. Everything I went through (and will go through) is worth it. I may not like it, but it is worth it. I have truly forgiven everyone who hurt me in my past, and in return have received forgiveness for myself. Plus I have learned to forgive myself. I have had more peace in myself than I ever thought possible.

Please try to shed those false images of Jesus that you have developed and let Him teach you about Himself. It is not easy, and there is suffering, but He will help you every step of the way, if you will allow him. Nothing that is worth anything comes easily. Just a simple prayer to start. You don’t need anything elaborate. You don’t need to to be perfect, say elaborate prayers and devotions, etc. All you need is to ask, be willing to listen, and trust. I will pray for you.

 

[teadough]

I try and not live beyond a day at a time. I try and keep my prayer focus on other people as much as possible.

As far as prayers go:there are many reasons why I pray the Rosary. One of the reasons is the fact that I don’t think about me for a extended amount of time while I meditate. I tend to think of myself to much unless I put the focus completely off of me. It takes practice. Guess what? I fail at that all the time. But you know what? I have many times inbetween that make it worth the while.

Be good to yourself. Your Deserve it!!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

uglygal

In reading what you have posted in here so far, it comes across to me as you want Jesus to meet you, on your terms, rather than, you meeting him on his terms, which is nothing other than love.

Jesus himself said, unless you are born of the spirit, you will not have enternal life. This means, dying to self, and surrendering will, to Jesus. Until this happens, Jesus will not force Himself on you. He will leave you to your own devices and preconcieved ideas, but remember, what ever comes of them, don’t blame Jesus, but yourself, for you’re following yourself, not Him.

Meanwhile, I said a prayer for you, that you will receive the gift of faith, in Jesus Christ

God Bless
Jim

 

[JRKH]

uglygal

In reading what you have posted in here so far, it comes across to me as you want Jesus to meet you, on your terms, rather than, you meeting him on his terms, which is nothing other than love.

Jesus himself said, unless you are born of the spirit, you will not have enternal life. This means, dying to self, and surrendering will, to Jesus. Until this happens, Jesus will not force Himself on you. He will leave you to your own devices and preconcieved ideas, but remember, what ever comes of them, don’t blame Jesus, but yourself, for you’re following yourself, not Him.

Meanwhile, I said a prayer for you, that you will receive the gift of faith, in Jesus Christ

God Bless
Jim

Jim,
Nicely put. However, in this case there may be a devil involved. In her last post uglygal said this:

I have been thinking of a possibility that perhaps the “Jesus” I know and have dealt with all these years is really a demon? I think this may be plausible considering some 1 billion people in the world (catholic / protestant / muslim) say that Jesus is great and yet my experience and knowledge of him is opposite. This “Jesus” would speak to me, and give me visions (aka: my scepticism of apparitions of Mary etc) … and wrecked absolute devastation on me spiritually through ways that I won’t mention on a public forum.

Given what she has posted in the past, and the very real, loving and Christian and faith relationship she has with God the Father, I don’t doubt that this is a real possiblility. Who knows what kinds and levels of deceit the evil one is capable. Therefore the “blame” she places on Jesus may well be a demonic force that has twisted her understanding.

It is difficult for many of us to come to grips with another person who has had such a negative religious experience as this. More often we manage to strain the “poor examples” of christians from Christianity itself. I beleive that this LovelyLady is wise to “start over”. To cling to God in the Father first and formost. Afterall Jesus never taught us to pray to Him, he taught us to pray to the Father. He never told us to praise Him but to praise He who sent Him. In the end it is really about loving God and placing our trust in Him. Jesus is “The Way” for most, but if He is a hinderance in this case, she is wise to pull back, and rest with the father until such time as she reaquaint herself with the Real Jesus, and not this evil apparition he has become fro her.

I was thinking about this last night and came to the idea that it might be a good idea for uglygal to subtitute the word “God” for the word “Jesus” in many of these posts and in a lot of reading. Perhaps this will help short circuit the negative connotations she associates with that “name”.
It would also be a good idea for us to do the same. For so long as she has this highly charged, negative concept of Jesus in fron of her, any attempt to evangelize Jesus to her will fail.

Peace
James

 

[uglygal]

uglygal

In reading what you have posted in here so far, it comes across to me as you want Jesus to meet you, on your terms, rather than, you meeting him on his terms, which is nothing other than love.

with respect, I disagree with this. For many, many years I twisted and turned and bent inside out to approach Jesus on His terms, or at least what was always presented to me to be his terms - adoration, hatred of self, self-emptying, penance, rosaries, Mass, seeking suffering … but it was never enough and the more I tried to approach, the higher the demands got, until I ended up almost killing myself.

The only thing I ever wanted from Him was to be loved by Him and for Him to be with me.

Jesus himself said, unless you are born of the spirit, you will not have enternal life. This means, dying to self, and surrendering will, to Jesus. Until this happens, Jesus will not force Himself on you. He will leave you to your own devices and preconcieved ideas, but remember, what ever comes of them, don’t blame Jesus, but yourself, for you’re following yourself, not Him.

Eternal life doesn’t interest me anymore. I used to go to Jesus to obtain this “life” and “eternal glory” - he can keep it for himself. In many ways I am following myself now because I always followed what Jesus wants, what the priests say, what the saints wrote, and they all got it wrong! Part of my feeling betrayed and abandoned is that I have been left to my own devices and have to seek God myself after being deceived. As for leaving me to my own devices and preconceived ideas? - that sounds very much like him, abandoning someone and pretending he can’t hear them and then tormenting them with “oh you didn’t follow me”, “you didn’t pray well enough”, “I was testing you to see if you love me even in the dark night of the soul”, “what’s that you prayed to me to help you? I didn’t hear … my bad, your just one soul, I damn thousands to hell every day, what are you to me?”

 

[uglygal]

I will share something here–I was brought up in my Catholic school in the 50’s in the same manner you speak about. Those who taught me about God emphasized the externals, and punishment was swift and severe if you deviated from them. I learned my Catechism thoroughly–I knew all the rules and regulations and prayers and apparitions and novenas, and fasts and abstinences, and was all too well aware of my sins. Plus I was from an alcoholic and divorced home, so the “sin” of my dear mother, who chose to divorce the man rather than put up with the abuse and beatings and danger to her children was visited upon my brother and I by those responsible for our religious formation. When I was 7 years old I looked into the mirror in my bedroom and said “You are ugly and nobody likes you.” I had absolutely no concept that God loved me. Sure, it said so in my Catechism, and I parrotted it, and even believed it in an intellectual sort of way,
but that did not penetrate my soul. For the next 21 years of my life, that is how I believed and lived. I was depressed, angry (but it was very hidden) and suicidal at times. And very self-centered, while trying to put on a “good” front to everyone.

 

[JReducation]

I have heard advice like this often - can I ask a question? It’s not me trying to be smart or hostile but it is one I would really like an answer to if there’s one available. Throughout all the years I prayed to Jesus and prayed in His name to guide me, to love me, protect me and lead me to Him … then why did he ignore my prayers and allow me to be misguided, unloved, unprotected and deceived?

 

[JimR-OCDS]

uglygal;

For many, many years I twisted and turned and bent inside out to approach Jesus on His terms, or at least what was always presented to me to be his terms - adoration, hatred of self, self-emptying, penance, rosaries, Mass, seeking suffering … but it was never enough and the more I tried to approach, the higher the demands got, until I ended up almost killing myself.

This isn’t what Jesus wants from you, especially self-hatred. What you did is follow tenants of your own perceptions of religion, not Jesus.

Jesus wants you to be, the person, who God had in mind, when he created you. The process of growing closer to Jesus involves coming to know yourself, as God created you.

The only thing I ever wanted from Him was to be loved by Him and for Him to be with me.

You are loved by Him. You’re problem is, not loving Him.

Eternal life doesn’t interest me anymore. I used to go to Jesus to obtain this “life” and “eternal glory” - he can keep it for himself. In many ways I am following myself now because I always followed what Jesus wants, what the priests say, what the saints wrote, and they all got it wrong! Part of my feeling betrayed and abandoned is that I have been left to my own devices and have to seek God myself after being deceived.

We don’t turn to God, for eternal life, we turn to God, because He is God, our creator.

This is essentially the creature, telling the creator what he must do. God loves the humble, and hates the arrogant. We turn to God, because He is God who deserves our love. God is love and He can not be grasped, except through love.

As for leaving me to my own devices and preconceived ideas? - that sounds very much like him, abandoning someone and pretending he can’t hear them and then tormenting them with “oh you didn’t follow me”, “you didn’t pray well enough”, “I was testing you to see if you love me even in the dark night of the soul”, “what’s that you prayed to me to help you? I didn’t hear … my bad, your just one soul, I damn thousands to hell every day, what are you to me?”

Trust me, you’re not in the dark night of the soul, you haven’t even entered the dark night of sense, and this may be in fact, what you’re resisting.

When a person goes into the dark night of the soul, they have already reached the beginning stages of union with Christ. Their love for Jesus, is unquestionable. What they begin to experience, is the lack of consolations, not because they haven’t prayed well enough, or they lack faith. They have all that, but what Christ is doing is purifying their faith. We only become strong through trial. This is true in any aspect of life.

You haven’t come close to this stage, so don’t even think that you have.

What’s left here is, you’re own decision to accept Christ into your life or reject him. You’ve rejected Him, because you never had Him in the first place. You had religion, but not faith. Faith can only come to those who surrender themselves to Christ, completely. It requires humility and honesty.

No one in this forum, can make you believe or give you faith. Faith comes from Jesus Christ, who is the source of faith.

If you want faith, then, in humility, turn to Him, and allow Him to transform you.

God Bless
Jim

 

[stbruno]

A quote from your initial posting. “3) All the novenas I ever prayed, never worked – Mary, Jesus and the Saints are deaf (and of course whenever I would say that to someone, they would turn around and say “I don’t know what you are talking about?” or “they always hear me, they don’t listen to you? Too bad”, shrug and who cares, or “you mustn’t be praying properly”, or “you might need to pray more” etc etc)”

I am praying that the answers to your novenas will be revealed.
Here’s my story. When I was 13, I said a novena for one particular girl to notice me and become the love of my life. Unfortunately, she did not and when she was 15yrs.old she was killed in an auto accident. I figured then that the answer God gave me was NO so that I would be spared the pain of losing her at the tender age of 15. Little did I know that No was not the answer God gave me…but I didn’t find out until 25ys. later.
On the day I ended my novena…I clearly remember painting the nun’s convent with my friend. The pastor paid us 8th graders $1/hr to paint. Of course, the nuns selected a bright yellow color. Our green jeans & shoes were covered with yellow paint as we worked that Sat morning. Coincidently, a wedding was about to start and the altar servers were a no show. So the nuns told the two of us to wash as best we could, comb our hair, don our surplices and cassocks and serve the wedding. I distinctly remember we got stared at because of the spatters of paint everywhere.
25 ys. later, I attended my wife’s cousins’ wedding anniversary party. She was married at our church. As I scanned the wedding photos, I noticed that my friend and I were the altar servers that day…and my shoes were spattered with yellow paint. Standing next to me was the Jr.bridesmaid, my wife…who I officially met more than 7yrs. later as an adult. So God truly answered my novena, and allowed me to find out…ys. later so that I could tell you that He really does answer novenas. Just pray that those answers will be revealed to you. There are no coincidences in life, just God-incidences.

 

[reen12]

I am addressing, here, that which the OP posted in the first
post in this thread.

quote: uglygal

How do you explain this Jesus I have experienced? He is not consistent with the Jesus others describe here … why the difference? How do you justify how Jesus treated me or am I (as always) completely to blame and bad and wrong?

First of all, respect your own experience. I cannot know what that experience is, because it is your experience. Perhaps taking a step back and away from organized religion for a bit, might be helpful. Comparing the experience of others - with my own experience - I find rarely helpful.
I am not them, and they are not me.

God relates to each of us as His unique creation. Just as each member in a family is unique. I’ve lived over 60 years. You cannot imagine the psychological suffering that has been present for all of those years.

It is only quite recently that I realized - with a sense of shock - that God takes care of the world. He does not need my help to do so. I can trust Him to be with me, even in the midst of suffering.
I have found, over the decades, that fashions change, in terms of what various religious groups stress.
Fifty years ago, the stress was on “take up your cross and follow Me.” There was no talk of “be all that you can be.” Now it seems to be thought, by more than a few - that suffering is somehow off the wall. That’s preposterous. Jesus died in agony on a cross.

God meets each of us where we’re at. Even if I turn my back on Him, He does not turn His back on me.
This is most annoying. He’s ‘supposed’ to go away. But He doesn’t.
When I say “I am suffering, God, and it’s all Your fault,” still He does not leave me on my own. His ways really *aren’t *our ways.

I talk with God the Father. God Who is One, and not triune in nature. Trying to accept Jesus as the Son of God is waaaaay beyond where I am. Besides, His ‘representatives’ managed to make of Jesus someone whom I wouldn’t want to have *lunch *with, much less a sacred banquet.

But God knows this. He knows why I think this and why I feel this way. Maybe God even thinks that I’d be perfectly nuts! to ‘accept’ the Jesus that was ‘presented’ to me.

The point is, it all comes down to a matter of radical trust in God.
To trust Him - even when there are no humanly compelling reasons to do so.
And even when there are many compelling reasons *not *to.

The odd thing is, God accepts me-even when I don’t accept me. God finds me loveable - even when I don’t feel very loveable.

It’s not a matter of whether I am right or wrong. If it’s my fault,
of someone else’s fault. God holds us in His hand.

Life goes by so quickly, I have found. No matter what we suffer here, it goes by like the blink of an eye. An Augenblick.
Not each hour, or each day. But the whole of life goes very quickly. Some of the bitterness that I have felt, life-long, has ebbed somewhat - as I recognize how quickly life goes.

I used to think that I was going to demand!! answers from God, when I came before Him. Now, I’m just going to ask Him, when my time comes,
“Is there a place where I could take a nap?” :yawn:

reen12

 

[uglygal]

I am addressing, here, that which the OP posted in the first
post in this thread.

quote: uglygal

First of all, respect your own experience. I cannot know what that experience is, because it is your experience. Perhaps taking a step back and away from organized religion for a bit, might be helpful. Comparing the experience of others - with my own experience - I find rarely helpful.
I am not them, and they are not me.

God relates to each of us as His unique creation. Just as each member in a family is unique. I’ve lived over 60 years. You cannot imagine the psychological suffering that has been present for all of those years.

It is only quite recently that I realized - with a sense of shock - that God takes care of the world. He does not need my help to do so. I can trust Him to be with me, even in the midst of suffering.
I have found, over the decades, that fashions change, in terms of what various religious groups stress.
Fifty years ago, the stress was on “take up your cross and follow Me.” There was no talk of “be all that you can be.” Now it seems to be thought, by more than a few - that suffering is somehow off the wall. That’s preposterous. Jesus died in agony on a cross.

God meets each of us where we’re at. Even if I turn my back on Him, He does not turn His back on me.
This is most annoying. He’s ‘supposed’ to go away. But He doesn’t.
When I say “I am suffering, God, and it’s all Your fault,” still He does not leave me on my own. His ways really *aren’t *our ways.

I talk with God the Father. God Who is One, and not triune in nature. Trying to accept Jesus as the Son of God is waaaaay beyond where I am. Besides, His ‘representatives’ managed to make of Jesus someone whom I wouldn’t want to have *lunch *with, much less a sacred banquet.

But God knows this. He knows why I think this and why I feel this way. Maybe God even thinks that I’d be perfectly nuts! to ‘accept’ the Jesus that was ‘presented’ to me.

The point is, it all comes down to a matter of radical trust in God.
To trust Him - even when there are no humanly compelling reasons to do so.
And even when there are many compelling reasons *not *to.

The odd thing is, God accepts me-even when I don’t accept me. God finds me loveable - even when I don’t feel very loveable.

It’s not a matter of whether I am right or wrong. If it’s my fault,
of someone else’s fault. God holds us in His hand.

Life goes by so quickly, I have found. No matter what we suffer here, it goes by like the blink of an eye. An Augenblick.
Not each hour, or each day. But the whole of life goes very quickly. Some of the bitterness that I have felt, life-long, has ebbed somewhat - as I recognize how quickly life goes.

I used to think that I was going to demand!! answers from God, when I came before Him. Now, I’m just going to ask Him, when my time comes,
“Is there a place where I could take a nap?” :yawn:

reen12

Thankyou very much for this