Wives Needing Permission to Leave the Home?

  • Thread starter Thread starter _AnnoDomini
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
No. The woman is the heart. A woman is nurturing & loving.

This does not place either the man or the woman above each other. They are different but equal in value.

I do agree that I as the man can not effectively run my home without the loving & nurturing nature of my wife.
 
LumineDiei said:
Does she think she needs to get your permission because you have absolute authority over her or is it a courtesy to check that you didn’t have other plans with her, such as going on a hike? There’s a big difference in that versus something like “I just don’t like you doing that” or “you need to stay home because I said so”.
Click to expand...
Exactly. Every married couple has had an exchange like that. Did she mean “would it inconvenience you at all if I went to the gym?”

As in, was it a courtesy thing, or literally a “I need permission to leave the house and it would be totally normal for you to forbid it for any reason at all.”?
 
Newhills said:
40.png
LilyM:
What good point’s?
Click to expand...
The points of how it shows modesty & virtue.
Click to expand...
A woman who thinks she needs (but sometimes may not be able to get) her husband’s permission to go to.the store while he is at work and buy urgently-needed supplies that have run out? Certainly doesn’t show.the virtues of wisdom.or prudence, which dictate that she does.what needs doing as soon as it needs doing and shouldn’t have to wait for permission.
 
Last edited:
LumineDiei said:
Does she think she needs to get your permission because you have absolute authority over her or is it a courtesy to check that you didn’t have other plans with her, such as going on a hike? There’s a big difference in that versus something like “I just don’t like you doing that” or “you need to stay home because I said so”.
Click to expand...
Both. They aren’t exclusive.

Yes, there have been times when my response was “no, I just do not like you doing that”. She didn’t do it. There’s no fights, no arguments, no marriage counselling.

You make it sound so confrontational when it’s simply not.

Her first duty is towards God.
Her second duty is towards her husband & children.
Everything after that she is welcome to prioritise however she wishes to. If any of that conflicts with the first 2 then the first 2 will take precedence.

I fail to understand how that is a bad thing.
 
Last edited:
Newhills said:
Yes, there have been times when my response was “no, I just do not like you doing that”. She didn’t do it. There’s no fights, no arguments, no marriage counselling.
Click to expand...
Was the thing she wanted to do inappropriate? Like, “im going to meet my ex-boyfriend for a romantic dinner and then we’re going to go hit the club?” or are we talking something mundane like “I’m going to the gym” or “I’m going to the store”?
 
Newhills said:
I fail to understand how that is a bad thing.
Click to expand...
Most of us do not have or wish to exercise some kind of arbitrary veto power over our wives. If I told my wife I was really uncomfortable with her doing something, she’d refrain, but if the reason was just “because I said so and I’m the boss” I don’t think that would go over well, nor should it.

I’ve been a military officer for over a decade. I’m not afraid to be in a position of authority. But I wouldn’t have married my wife if I thought she needed someone to exercise control over mundane day to day decisions. I wanted a partner not a personal assistant.
 
LumineDiei said:
It’s a bad thing if she’s treated as a child. As in, “because I said so and that’s why”. You haven’t given an indication that you’d reply like that, but I think that’s where most of the concern about this topic on the thread is coming from.
Click to expand...
One that comes to memory - back when she had a part time job she wanted to go out for after work drinks on a Friday night with people from the office in the city.

I did not consider it to be a good idea & told her that. She didn’t go.

Again - you’re conjuring these up to be BIG things but to her and I they are not. God first, husband second removes many of the circumstances where she would even want to do something that I thought to be inappropriate so the question doesn’t come into it as often as you make out.
 
Newhills said:
And I wanted a wide, not a partner
Click to expand...
I wanted my wife to be a partner, not a servant. If I didn’t think she had good judgment, character and intellect, such that she didn’t need me to sign a pass for her to leave the house, I wouldn’t have married her.
 
Last edited:
Newhills said:
Again - you’re conjuring these up to be BIG things but to her and I they are not
Click to expand...
I don’t think anyone is picturing you standing over your cowering, terrified wife holding a belt. We get that you’re not keeping her chained to the stove or something.

But if you really do feel you exert veto “because I said so” power over her mundane comings and comings, it does feel, from an outside perspective, less like she’s your wife and more like she’s your teenage daughter.

Whatever works for you guys, I suppose. Not an arrangement I want.
 
RolandThompsonGunner said:
I wanted my wife to be a partner, not a servant.
Click to expand...
I didn’t say my wife is my servant.

There has to be a head of the household. It’s simple fact. When it comes right down to it, and you & your partner wife disagree on a decision - who makes that decision?
 
An anonymous person has flagged me for three different posts on this thread, for reasons unknown to me. I don’t know what the limit is, but this is what will get me kicked off of CAF - at least for a month, maybe more.
I’m sorry I cannot continue in this discussion.
 
LumineDiei said:
That’s reasonable. You told her your concern and all was well. You didn’t say “because I’m the husband and I said so”. That’s what is bringing about all the concern on this thread and it stems back to the OP’s question, she who is inquiring about Catholicism ,and some of the subsequent posts that appear to indicate that a Catholic wife is to be treated like nothing more than some child who needs micromanaging in all things and must not be allowed to think for herself, as she is now the property of her husband instead of the partner God created for him.
Click to expand...
I feel like the thread is full of “wives can do anything they please & they don’t answer to their husbands”. They do (or should). It’s not a bad thing.
 
Bill_B_NY said:
An anonymous person has flagged me for three different posts on this thread, for reasons unknown to me. I don’t know what the limit is, but this is what will get me kicked off of CAF - at least for a month, maybe more.
I’m sorry I cannot continue in this discussion.
Click to expand...
For the record, even though I was disagreeing with you, it wasn’t me. People are way too quick to throw flags around here.
 
Newhills said:
There has to be a head of the household. It’s simple fact. When it comes right down to it, and you & your partner wife disagree on a decision - who makes that decision?
Click to expand...
What’s the decision about? There are some things my wife defers to me on. Finances, for example. Not because I’m the man, but because I have a better head for that stuff.

But on the other hand, let’s say one of our kids needed a risky medical procedure. My wife is a physician. I would defer to her judgment there, because she’s just way more informed in that arena than I am.
 
Newhills said:
One that comes to memory - back when she had a part time job she wanted to go out for after work drinks on a Friday night with people from the office in the city.

I did not consider it to be a good idea & told her that. She didn’t go.
Click to expand...
This is not the same thing as asking for permission to leave the house. My husband and I have had any number of occasions when I have wanted to do something for some reason or another, and he has asked me not to. If it is important enough to him to ask me not to do something, I don’t do it. This comes from our relationship of trust.

I wonder, though, what the situation would have been if you had been the one to say you were wanting to go out with friends for drinks on a Friday night and she told you that she didn’t think it was a good idea. Would you have gone, in spite of her desires?

As to the other situation you mentioned, going to the gym, if it were outside of my usual schedule, I would ask him if he minded if I ran out to the gym for a bit. Not because I needed explicit permission, but because I know that what I do impacts him. If I am running out to the gym, he is watching the kids. I expect the same from him. If he is going to run out to Home Depot for a while, I would expect that he would let me know and if it was an inconvenient time for me, he will wait and go later or make other arrangements to minimize the impact on me.
 
Last edited:
Newhills said:
When it comes right down to it, and you & your partner wife disagree on a decision - who makes that decision?
Click to expand...
In my family, it usually comes down to who cares the most or who will be most impacted by the decision.

A particular situation that comes to mind is when I wanted to put one of our children in school because I did not think that the homeschool environment was meeting her needs and the needs of our other children. My husband was not entirely on board with the idea, but he understood that I was greatly impacted by continuing to homeschool in a way that he was not. He also understood that I was more intimately involved in her education than he was, and better understood her needs . This, even though he is a credentialed teacher and I am not. We ended up enrolling her in school, in spite of his misgivings.

Honestly, in 20 years of marriage we have not yet come to a complete impasse. We share a vision for our family, we share a faith, and we love each other and want the best for our family . That gets us through most disagreements.
 
Last edited:
RolandThompsonGunner said:
For the record, even though I was disagreeing with you, it wasn’t me. People are way too quick to throw flags around here.
Click to expand...
I appreciate it and I’ll take a moment to apologize for personal comments towards you. That was a heated response from me and not right. Thanks.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top