14 Year Old Son’s Girlfriend Stay Over?

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BoyGenius said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
Your example of your grandmother means nothing
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Except in reality, it does.
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It’s purely anecdotal. Scientifically we know that the more you control and restrict and forbid teens the worse outcomes they have. This does not preclude having reasonable rules, but what is reasonable for families–including two supervised teens “dating” is not necessarily a bad thing. Teens can just as easily have entirely clandestine relationships. Some parents decide that it is better for their teens to have a relationship where they can be guided. Its a parental decision and it is not any more likely to lead to sinful behavior if parents do it “right”. In fact, it’s less likely to lead to sinful behavior because parents are around to enforce how relationships must have a non-sexual component to survive things like childbirth and mentapause.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Two 15yo’s having sex is WAY different than a 23yo and 13yo. On is a mutual sin, the other is a grave crime called rape.
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Just to point out to anyone also reading my reply. Something I’ve learned from Apologetics, is also questioning an argument wherefore it can/does lead to absurdity . That’s the only reason I premised the thought experiment. Because it is absurd. And under the same notion it is absurd to expect without fail a teen to handle/conduct themselves in a way where they may be tempted. I get the moment where we must learn from our mistakes. There’s no question. That will happen regardless. People make choices no matter their age. It’s quite obvious. But do you go along with it?

I would advise not to. There are parents who argue their son/daughter are going to smoke pot anyways. So they judge they rather the child be in their home, because he/she is going to do it anyway. And if parents feel it is better their children act in a certain way in their home.under their supervision, because they don’t want them on the run, or in some place. I get that. To each their own set of rules and laws.

But for me, the prudent thing to do is to say “no.” And to be consistent at that.
 
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As a parent, I would have had zero problem with meeting up with you at 7 AM. It is NOT the crack of dawn. I think you son is pulling the wool over your eyes.
 
BoyGenius said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
Two 15yo’s having sex is WAY different than a 23yo and 13yo. On is a mutual sin, the other is a grave crime called rape.
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Just to point out to anyone also reading my reply. Something I’ve learned from Apologetics, is also questioning an argument wherefore it can/does lead to absurdity . That’s the only reason I premised the thought experiment. Because it is absurd. And under the same notion it is absurd to expect a teen to handle/conduct themselves in a way where they may be tempted. I get the moment where we must learn from our mistakes. There’s no question. That will happen regardless. People make choices no matter their age. It’s quite obvious. But do you go along with it?

I would advise not to. There are parents who argue their son/daughter are going to smoke pot anyways. So they judge they rather the child be in their home, because he/she is going to do it anyway. And if parents feel it is better their children act in a certain way in their home.under their supervision, because they don’t want them on the run, or in some place. I get that. To each their own set of rules and laws.

But for me, the prudent thing to do is to say “no.” And to be consistent at that.
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Again, you’re trying to equate something illegal.

Many parents feel that they can morally (and should morally) teach their children about drinking before the age of 21. Some states even allow for it.

Teenage dating is a parenting decision, plain and simple. Some parents feel that is morally better for a young teen to date. That is a parenting decision.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Teenage dating is a parenting decision, plain and simple. Some parents feel that is morally better for a young teen to date. That is a parenting decision.
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I don’t think that was missed. The question, as the OP placed, if it was prudent. And as I pointed out certain rules of biology apply. But, I have to consider the fact, one obvious governing principle I did not mention, but more or less assumed. And that is: freewill.

The dimension of the person to choose.

I was a teen. I had sneaked out at night, while my parents thought i was in bed. So, children can/often deviate from their parents. That is fairly common.
 
BoyGenius said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
Teenage dating is a parenting decision, plain and simple. Some parents feel that is morally better for a young teen to date. That is a parenting decision.
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I don’t think that was missed. The question, as the OP placed, if it was prudent. And as I pointed out certain rules of biology apply. But, I have to consider the fact, one obvious governing principle I did not mention, but more or less assumed. And that is: freewill.

The dimension of the person to choose.

I was a teen. I had sneaked out at night, while my parents thought i was in bed. So, children can/often deviate from their parents. That is fairly common.
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And again, the more control the parents have, the more the children will find ways to rebel. Teens who have nothing to rebel against aren’t going to be sneaking out. Respect is a two way street.
 
I don’t know what that means, but, if you mean a place where people express bizarre things, have no sense of humor, etc. then yes!
 
Sometimes I think that some parents forget what it was like to BE a teen.

I did not forget, so, I was not able to be buffaloed. I also knew that kids lie to their parents. All kids. Even good kids.

Kids also are very good at saying partially true things and they are masters of understatement.

A teen who tells his Catholic parents that he and his girlfriend are “making out” is likely having everything except intercourse. A teen who tells his Catholic parents he is “only kissing” his girlfriend is likely going to what we used to call “second base”, etc.

What our job is as parents is not to say “NO” but to teach from a very young age “Why” and to introduce our children to a relationship with Christ so they will better want to serve and obey His Church.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
Again, you’re trying to equate something illegal.
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Actually, I did not. Hence, I used the word “dating.” But, as a matter of prudence, no one would let that happen because it swings closely to something unlawful happening. But more so the ramifications and injury to a child. And the horrendous wrong it imposes. In other words, no one is going to take that chance. Yes, dating isn’t illegal. But that fact and matter, you would not swing that closely to allow for that to happen because it’s wrong and absurd; it’s dangerous. Then I drew as for another manner of prudence, that since you wouldn’t allow your daughter to “date” a guy like that, why do you think it’s anymore diligent to let your daughter in close contact with a boy her age (making out)?

Now, I get your point. Because, you have control over the situation more. And the damage/injury would be far less. And, you could mitigate something from happening, like them having a child. The safety factor applies.

But, as I know myself as when I was a teen. And from my own family’s shortfalls, there’s a deviation teens are tempted to as well. So, I’d conclude the parent should not allow the sleep over to happen. Just a prudent angle.

On an extended point, one of my Uncles was in the Coast Guard. He knew the father of my Aunt. He was 23, and she was 16, when they dated. Oddly, they got married (as adults.) And guess what? Didn’t get pregnant before they were married. Go figure, it’s all in the parents hands and choice.
 
BoyGenius said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
Again, you’re trying to equate something illegal.
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Actually, I did not. Hence, I used the word “dating.” But, as a matter of prudence, no one would let that happen because it swings closely to something unlawful happening. But more so the ramifications and injury to a child. And the horrendous wrong it imposes. In other words, no one is going to take that chance. Yes, dating isn’t illegal. But that fact and matter, you would not swing that closely to allow for that to happen because it’s wrong and absurd; it’s dangerous. Then I drew as for another manner of prudence, that since you wouldn’t allow your daughter to “date” a guy like that, why do you think it’s anymore diligent to let your daughter in close contact with a boy her age (making out)?

Now, I get your point. Because, you have control over the situation more. And the damage/injury would be far less. And, you could mitigate something from happening, like them having a child. The safety factor applies.

But, as I know myself as when I was a teen. And from my own family’s shortfalls, there’s a deviation teens are tempted to as well. So, I’d conclude the parent should not allow the sleep over to happen. Just a prudent angle.

On an extended point, one of my Uncles was in the Coast Guard. He knew the father of my Aunt. He was 23, and she was 16, when they dated. Oddly, they got married (as adults.) And guess what? Didn’t get pregnant before they were married. Go figure, it’s all in the parents hands and choice.
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You talked about smoking marijuana. That is illegal.

A 23yo and a 16yo is pretty disgusting. Not illegal, but I cannot for the life of me understand what a 23yo MAN would see in a 16yo girl.
 
I don’t know either. But, for me, the consistency of saying “no.” Is where the child knows you do not deviate. But when you say “yes”, but under this or that circumstance. You are generating a safe haven for their own deviation. Thus sanctioning what they are doing. I get the “safety factor.” I guess it is hard for parents, because they want to feel they are in supervision and control of the situation.
 
BoyGenius said:
I don’t know either. But, for me, the consistency of saying “no.” Is where the child knows you do not deviate. But when you say “yes”, but under this or that circumstance. You are generating a safe haven for their own deviation. Thus sanctioning what they are doing. I get the “safety factor.” I guess it is hard for parents, because they want to feel they are in supervision and control of the situation.
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😑 I’ve said this entire time that it’s a parenting decision. It’s not about “feeling in control” it’s about empowering a teen to make the right decision. The most DISASTROUS situations that I’ve seen occurred with parents who didn’t let their kids make the majority of their decisions of any weight. Then they go off to college (of course a strict Catholic one) and the results are often disastrous.

Parents parent in different ways. My way of parenting is like that of my parents and many of my friends. My parents managed a housefull of teenagers (4 of us all a year apart!) we had many crushes, dates and like I said before MANY overnights of people we were attracted to because they were a sibiling’s friend. Trusting my brothers I know that at least one remained a virgin until marriage and according to the other 2 they remained virgins until they were engaged. We weren’t magically good kids. We simply were allwed to think for ourselves and were taught how to do it. Being homeschooled I saw many who were controled way too much from no dating to no computers. None of them did well in the “real world”.

EDIT: However the OP’s situation does NOT merit a sleepover. 7 is hardly the “crack of dawn”…most highschools begin at 7. The son is being disingenuous…which a wise parent should be able to suss out.
 
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To agree on something that your premise holds. That is, the fact, I imagine, your parents were close and stayed together. Your family were intact.

In cases with families whereby the parents are close/intact (in other words a normal/healthy functional family), you generally don’t end up with kids going out and doing terribly wrong things. So not every person/child ends up doing something quite grave/ill/wrong.

With that, maybe the OP can elaborate. For, the OP’s son sounds like he has close/intact parents. I’m guessing both parents are together. And, does the girl come from a healthy/functional living?

But from your perspective, with your own experience in your own family, would this parent’s son be closely swinging to an undesirable consequence since he is “making out” (that’s from the OP’s statement) with this girl?
 
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