A little bit of both. As a teenager, I didn’t feel it was too difficult to be a gay Catholic. I knew the Catholic Church’s stance on homosexuality, and while I’ve never agreed with the teaching, the Church generally felt pretty comfortable. When Benedict XVI became pope, the Church seemed to change dramatically – I began to notice an almost hateful attitude toward gay people; the attitude of the bishops and the pope himself, many of whom said outright hurtful things, seemed to trickle down to the laity.
I used to attend daily Mass, and often I would stay after to pray the Rosary or the Divine Office. The last time I stepped foot in a Catholic Church was for a weekday service. I was praying my Rosary after Mass, and these two older men were standing in Nave loudly condemning same-sex marriage, which we were voting to legalize in my state at the time. They kept going on about this nation turning into Sodom and Gomorrah, and how disgusting gay people were. I couldn’t even pray my Rosary in peace, so I stopped in the middle of it and left. That was the last straw – I never went back.
As a gay Catholic, I knew I was “called to celibacy”, however in practical terms, that meant the Church was calling me to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Holy Orders would never be an option, marriage certainly out of the question. I’d even spent time looking into joining a monastic order, which also proved difficult unless I pretended to be heterosexual. It’s almost as if the Church is telling gay people they have no vocation whatsoever, other than simply being celibate. No one wants to spend their life alone, but gay Catholics really have no choice. What I hope for the Catholic Church, even if homosexuality is never accepted as perfectly normal, is that gay Catholics can at least be made to feel welcome – that there’s a place for them.
I was fortunate enough to find a Church that accepted me, and I’m honored to live my vocation as a deacon now… Something that would never have been possible had I remained a Catholic. I know plenty of gay people who were so hurt by their religion that they have no faith at all; so I suppose in that regard, I was fortunate not to have that happen to me, despite feeling discouraged for quite some time.