Men - how do you feel about your wife seeing a male physician?

[Homers]

Because I do not view it as an exposition. For ME it is clinical. I have found a doctor I like and trust. There is no ulterior motive, violation, arousal, or anything else untoward happening during the exam. I do not feel as if I am violating my vows, morals, values, devaluing myself or my husband, tempting fate, defying my religious beliefs, the priest, bishop, Cardinal, Pope, Vatican, Church, God, or any other challenge you can drum up. This works for us and millions of others. What you and your wife has works for you and probably millions of others. Can’t that be enough for you?

Perhaps no ulterior motive that you are aware of… How do you know what is really going through your doctors mind? Per the previous student doctor website, it is obvious that a great amount of doctors are perverse. I am sure your male doctor seems to be very nice to you, because you probably expose yourself to him, and pay him to look at and to touch you intimately. What maybe works for millions, doesn’t make it morally right.

 

[Homers]

I’m sorry I don’t buy that at all. Why does it matter if “other women are aroused”? Unless its your wife that’s aroused why does it matter to you and why is it any of your business?

Unless of course your worried about some doctors pelvic being a treat to you.

The OP for this thread asked “Men - how do you feel aobut your wife seeing a male doctor.”, well that’s what it matters to me. What is it of any of your business?

 

[Homers]

Come to think of it, I think the best solution here for you and for your wife is for someone to develop androids (like Data on Star Trek) or some other type of machine which would do medical exams on you.

This would prevent any chance of you or your wife ever being violated in a medical procedure.

For example, to insert the above mentioned catheter, the robot could do it. Using the same types of lasers they use at car washes to determine the size of the car so the nozzles know how close to get, the lasers could measure your penis to determine exactly where and how far to put the catheter in for you or any other patient. Same concept for her OB/GYN exam. No danger of her being violated by a male or female. And no exposure of her body to anyone else.

After an exam or procedure, results would then be compared to a known standard in the databanks, and a diagnosis and corrective action would print out at a print station near you.

If you want to avoid any chance of you or your wife being violated by a medical practitioner (straight or otherwise), this is the only way. Or never see one.

Let’s keep it real!

 

[LilyM]

The OP for this thread asked “Men - how do you feel aobut your wife seeing a male doctor.”, well that’s what it matters to me. What is it of any of your business?

If your wife cares about you in the slightest, a) it would be incredibly unlikely to happen in the first place, b) she’d tell you if something like that DID happen and c) would certainly be so freaked out by it that she’d never see that doctor again!

By the way (sorry to harp on a point) but it’s just as likely to happen with a female doctor, if the doctor touches your wife in the right way to cause a reaction. Your double standard here is incredible - you’re preventing nothing by restricting her to female gynaecologists, and you can certainly DO nothing after the fact!

 

[sanctamaria17]

Refer to scientific/sociological/psychological/w/e legit studies you want, but don’t refer to smut and expect us to believe trash.

Geez Louise, this is as bad as radical feminists bashing straight men and grouping them all in the group of unbridled, brutish animals. Even worse, it’s from a guy who hates something he is himself that he has to protect “his woman” from them.

What about gay male doctors (they exist) who don’t care about women like that? What about bi/lesbian female doctors? What about doctors of any gender or sexuality who just abuse patients sexually because rape is an exercise of power more than it is about sex?

I don’t pretend to know ANYONE’S mind. But, because I believe people are good, because as children of God, we are, albeit broken, I trust them until they prove untrustworthy. But if I get a feeling someone is untrustworthy, I don’t trust them. It’s really not a difficult principle to follow.

 

[Homers]

Why would you want to let a mechanic look at your car when it’s not broken down? Cars need to be REGULARLY serviced every so many miles (whether they’re running OK between times or not) to PREVENT major problems and breakdown.

By the same token, men and women need regular health check-ups, including things like pap smears and breast exams, prostate exams and the like, even when it’s not an emergency. Because you can be ill in all sorts of ways (including having breast, cervical or prostate cancer) without having any noticeable (to you) symptoms. We all need regular medical checkups, including checking the reproductive system, because they can catch problems early, when they’re still treatable, and prevent serious illness.

Up until about 150 years ago ALL doctors were male - women were not permitted to practice medicine. So ALL women had to see males for ALL their medical problems - including your modest Baptist ancestors. This includes things like gynaecological exams, childbirth (when the doctor obviously needs to see the woman exposed) and the like.

Women, and their menfolk, didn’t have problems with the women doing so. And men didn’t question the modesty or fidelity of their wives when they went to a male gynaecologist, although the women obviously had the option of not seeing a doctor. Neither was there rampant sexual abuse of women by doctors.

What is it about today that makes the morality of the situation any different? A doctor is a doctor is a doctor. Why shouldn’t I worry about my husband getting assaulted by a male doctor? It certainly happens. Or myself getting assaulted by a female doctor? It also certainly happens.

And for the previous poster, who chose the male doctor for gynae exams because he was the best she’d come across - darn tooting I’m going to choose the best available gynaecologist, I owe it to myself and my loved ones to accept no less than the best medical care available. And I wouldn’t care if the best doctor I could find was man, woman or alien.

Lily…Thanks for the reponse. I could tell that you gave your response a lot of thought. I also undertand the analogy that you were trying to make about the car/mechanic thing, but cars don’t have feelings, morals, or emotions. Also, the same could be said for that women doctors have the same plumbing as other women, so they should possibly know other women better. Plus by women going to see female doctors, they’re not having to expose themselves to a strange man, and there’s less chance for any funny business.

 

[Homers]

As for women being aroused, some of us are very sensitive to the way we are touched in general, even if someone does something seemingly innocent, like poke our sides or something. I think that happens regardless of the gender of the doctor.

If your wife and you are comfortable seeing same sex docs, that’s one thing. But, as this is a morally neutral topic, let’s keep it to opinions only.

And yes, women do rape other women. You don’t need a penis to violate someone, hurt them, or be cruel to them. Like Katie123 said, not to be graphic, a woman’s hands and speculum are enough to cause pain and damage. Assuming that men are sexually depraved and women are only reckless victims is both naive and dangerous. Also, not only have I myself had close calls, I’ve been trained in rape crisis. Rape is about power, control, and the ability to take advantage of someone, because in your head, you think they are property and you have a right to their body. Most of the time, it happens within the family or with someone you know. It’s not the same thing as just thinking someone is attractive.

I have never been assaulted by a doctor or other healthcare professional, male or female. And yes, I take my clothes off.

Also, I struggle off and on with occasional same sex attraction. Because of that, should I just not see any doctor at all, because I find some women attractive in the way that I find some men attractive? Seriously, that doesn’t enter my head at all when getting an exam. My concern is staying healthy so that I don’t have to call my parents and tell them that their oldest child is dying of cancer because they couldn’t catch it early enough because she didn’t see a doctor. Or having something happen where I become infertile, don’t know it, and have to tell my husband why can’t have babies. Or getting heart disease, but not catching it because I didn’t know symptoms could be different in women.

My body is a temple of the Spirit. As a good steward, I must take care of it. That includes seeing a doctor, a good one, regardless of gender.

Thanks for your honesty. I would just say that there are just as many qualified female doctors out there.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Yes, but I’ll stick with a good one once I have one and not care. It’s morally neutral and I don’t discriminate. Stereotypes and generalizations just don’t work for me. And if my future husband can’t trust me or my judgment, then we have bigger problems than who I choose as my physician.

 

[Homers]

Can you prove it? Do you have statistics? No. You’ve already admitted as much.

is it all right for single women to have male ob/gyns?

Should there be laws prohibiting men from being ob/gyns?

hmmm…in my humble opinion, no women should ever submit herself to any male gyn exam if it can be avoided. As far as should there be any laws of course not. I know of many good male doctors.

 

[LilyM]

cars don’t have feelings, morals, or emotions.

Doctors are capable of professional detachment you know - they’re not going to fall in love or lust with a patient just by seeing them naked. Like most people, they’re just as likely to fall in love or lust with a fully clothed person as a naked one.

So if you’re going to worry about your wife being ‘exposed’, you should be just as worried about her being clothed. For that matter you should worry about every other male she comes into contact with - her boss and co-workers, your pastor and fellow parishioners, and so on.

Also, the same could be said for that women doctors have the same plumbing as other women, so they should possibly know other women better. Plus by women going to see female doctors, they’re not having to expose themselves to a strange man, and there’s less chance for any funny business.

I’ve got plenty of doctors in the family of both genders - and have been treated often enough myself by them AND other doctors - to know that it’s a totally false assumption that women are better than women or men with men. Does a doctor have to suffer cancer him or herself to be able to effectively treat it? Do they have to go through brainsurgery themselves to be able to effectively perform it? No.

And what, pray tell, makes you think that exposing oneself to a strange WOMAN doctor is any different in terms of embarrassment? I know it isn’t for me, and I suspect it isn’t for most women - it’s the fact that it’s a stranger rather than the fact that the doctor is male or female that makes it difficult. Again, you’re assuming you know women better than we know ourselves.

And less chance for funny business? Again, you’re assuming that you know our doctors better than we, who are the ones who are treated by them, know them.

 

[Homers]

Well said, Sanctamaria!

We all have a duty to take care of our bodies, and the sex of the doctor is irrelevant - it’s their competency that is important.

Homers, it’s great that your wife shares your views, but suppose just for a moment that she didn’t. Would you think any less of her if she chose a male doctor? And what about single women? Who should they defer to - their fathers?

ora…hi, thanks for your question and post. I would have quite frankly not married my wife if she did not Yes, I most certainly would think less of her if she did chose a male doctor for “intimate” exams, because that would show no respect for me. I believe that all women married or single should try to be as modest as possible. thanks.

 

[Homers]

Yeah, that would not fly with me! First, my dad and I don’t discuss my medical care. We talk about politics, religion, etc, we don’t discuss my gynecological issues. That’s something I’ve always discussed with my mother. With a doctor, it’s professional and they’ve seen it all before, so I don’t feel any sense of impropriety, unless they do something to prove otherwise. With my dad though, he doesn’t want or need to hear about his twenty-year-old daughter’s period issues or HPV vaxes (yes, I got those, no, I’m not sleeping around, but if my husband made some mistakes or if I ever got raped, I’d want to be protected from something).

Second, I’m living five hours away in a big city and taking on each bit of financial independence I can handle until I’m done with school and completely independent. I’ve always been intelligent, independent, and questioning. And I live in a big city. Nothing phases me anymore. I can take care of myself. I don’t need a male relative or friend guarding me like I’m the Hope Diamond or something. “But you’ll get raped!” Haven’t yet. And men get mugged and threatened with guns. Don’t see them living in fear, not going out without a chaperone.

I think it all comes down to fear. Didn’t Jesus tell us not to live in fear? And if injustice happens, shouldn’t we speak out against it, rather than hide from the world?

Sanctamaria…this has already been discussed before in the very thread. The previous link to the student-doctor thread proves that the gyn exam is NOT always clinical. Just because a male doctor has seen it all before, doesn’t make it right.

 

[LilyM]

ora…hi, thanks for your question and post. I would have quite frankly not married my wife if she did not Yes, I most certainly would think less of her if she did chose a male doctor for “intimate” exams, because that would show no respect for me. I believe that all women married or single should try to be as modest as possible. thanks.

That’s tragic, and you’re disrespecting a lot of perfectly modest, wonderful women who trust, as they should, their male gynaecologists to do a professional job in a professional way.

I think the very use of the term ‘intimate’ is completely misleading and fallacious. ‘intimate’ suggests that there’s always or often an emotional component involved. Candelit suppers for two between a loving couple are ‘intimate’. Candlelit suppers for two between lawyer and client where all that is discussed is an upcoming court case are anything but.

Someone, male or female, sticking cold steel or a gloved finger - or worse still a colposcope - into your privates is anything BUT intimate.

It’s no more ‘intimate’ than an ear or throat exam, or having a stethoscope against your chest.

I’m sure some women might get aroused by a pelvic exam, but then some men get aroused by a woman in high-heeled shoes - and you’re not suggesting female doctors should do away with THEM because of it

 

[sanctamaria17]

Sanctamaria…this has already been discussed before in the very thread. The previous link to the student-doctor thread proves that the gyn exam is NOT always clinical. Just because a male doctor has seen it all before, doesn’t make it right.

No, those are just perverted sickos. I have read this thread you know. Just because you have opinions doesn’t mean you get to treat women like they’re dumb, naive or ignorant, because we can tell smut apart from reality.

 

[Homers]

Well you aren’t exactly respecting or trusting your spouse by seeing nothing more than a potential rapist in every male gynaecologist she visits - if she, the one who actually sees them, sees merely a good doctor doing a professional job. Or by presuming that she’s getting any sort of sexual gratification out of visiting him - if she says she doesn’t.

Your attitude in fact is telling her that her judgement is wrong and yours was to be preferred, which since it’s her body and she knows her doctor at least as well as you do, is way out of line. It’s way disrespectful to her intelligence and good judgement. And her ability to keep herself safe, for that matter.

Someone who truly loves another doesn’t, in so many words, tell them they’re lacking in judgement and intelligence. Which is what you’re saying to your spouse by not backing her in her judgement of her doctor.

And you CERTAINLY are well and truly disrespecting the doctor - who deserves every possible respect until proven otherwise. Does he deserve no consideration in the matter, since it’s his trustworthiness (and livelihood) at question as much as your wife’s? What would you think if people told their wives to avoid you, since every man is a potential rapist?

Put it this way - I care greatly who I expose myself to. That’s why I would never expose myself to ANY man apart from my husband, my child for breastfeeding, and a doctor or nurse - and to the doctor (where this is an option) only after a few visits, when I’ve had a chance to see that he’s trustworthy. If I honestly didn’t care, I’d expose myself to anyone and everyone.

Lily, I trust my wife completely…, but I can’t always trust a male doctor. I also trust her judgment. I am sure that alot of women thought that they could also trust their male doctors, but were deeply hurt and violated. Husbands by nature are supposed to be the great protectors, and I do not wish to see my wife violated. Once violated, you can’t take it back. Some women, on their first trip to the doctor take it all off to be examined, and never take the time to first consult with the doctor. How is trust built on one appointment?

 

[Homers]

If your wife cares about you in the slightest, a) it would be incredibly unlikely to happen in the first place, b) she’d tell you if something like that DID happen and c) would certainly be so freaked out by it that she’d never see that doctor again!

By the way (sorry to harp on a point) but it’s just as likely to happen with a female doctor, if the doctor touches your wife in the right way to cause a reaction. Your double standard here is incredible - you’re preventing nothing by restricting her to female gynaecologists, and you can certainly DO nothing after the fact!

Lily…I really like your style, and I can tell your pretty wise. Agreed, it would be incredibly unlikely to happen, but who would take the hance. 2.), Yes, she would probably would tell me, but 3.) once violated, you cant take it back.

As far as the 2nd part of your paragraph. I think that there would actually be less chance of anything occurring with a female doctor, especially with a female doctor that has a family of her own. Plus, my wife would never want to see a male gyn doctor, as she feels the same as I do.

 

[LilyM]

Lily, I trust my wife completely…, but I can’t always trust a male doctor. I also trust her judgment. I am sure that alot of women thought that they could also trust their male doctors, but were deeply hurt and violated. Husbands by nature are supposed to be the great protectors, and I do not wish to see my wife violated. Once violated, you can’t take it back. Some women, on their first trip to the doctor take it all off to be examined, and never take the time to first consult with the doctor. How is trust built on one appointment?

I beg to differ - if she trusts her doctor and you don’t, then you’re showing no respect whatsoever for her judgement, instead you’re substituting your own for hers because you think your judgement is superior and hers isn’t as good.

You can be sure just as many men have thought they could trust THEIR (male, for argument’s sake) doctors and were also deeply hurt and violated by them - either sexually or in other ways. With equally devastating and lifelong results, sure. But it goes to show that even the greatest of protectors cannot eliminate risk either for themselves or others.

And you are barking up the wrong tree if you think disapproving of a male gynaecologist is protecting her from anything. She is far more likely to be raped in your own home - by you her loving husband - as in any surgery by any doctor.

 

[LilyM]

Lily…I really like your style, and I can tell your pretty wise. Agreed, it would be incredibly unlikely to happen, but who would take the hance. 2.), Yes, she would probably would tell me, but 3.) once violated, you cant take it back.

As far as the 2nd part of your paragraph. I think that there would actually be less chance of anything occurring with a female doctor, especially with a female doctor that has a family of her own. Plus, my wife would never want to see a male gyn doctor, as she feels the same as I do.

What reason would you have to see a gynaecologist? And why would your wife not trust another man with you?

 

[Homers]

Yes, but I’ll stick with a good one once I have one and not care. It’s morally neutral and I don’t discriminate. Stereotypes and generalizations just don’t work for me. And if my future husband can’t trust me or my judgment, then we have bigger problems than who I choose as my physician.

It’s not about trusting your judgment, its about RESPECT for your husband, and your husband hopefully wanting to protect you from making a mistake which could affect the both of you. Also, it’s not about discrimination, it’s about the right to chose, and the right to privacy!

 

[LilyM]

It’s not about trusting your judgment, its about RESPECT for your husband, and your husband hopefully wanting to protect you from making a mistake which could affect the both of you. Also, it’s not about discrimination, it’s about the right to chose, and the right to privacy!

Why should any woman respect a man who doesn’t trust her to choose her own doctor wisely? What makes you think you’re better able to choose a doctor for her than she is for herself?

Why does your wife need protection ‘from making a mistake’ - unless you think she’s more prone to making mistakes (and thus less intelligent) than you are?