Thanks, that is good to know. I do feel apprehensive about praying, just don’t feel like I know what I’m doing really. I find it easier to say the prescribed prayers such as the Hail Mary (I’m really starting to love the rosary!) because I feel I’m saying something of value. I worry though when I’m reciting the rosary that I don’t really know what I’m saying, I mean I know what all the words mean but I wonder if I am actually comprehending their meaning. Then also we are supposed to meditate on the mysteries during the rosary, and I try to do that, but my mind wanders constantly. I’ll imagine for example, Jesus being crucified, and have an image of that in my mind. But then suddenly I’m thinking about dinner. Or my job. Then I’m like oops I’m not concentrating and I think about the crucifixion again. Its like a constant struggle to remain present. Though I suppose everyone experiences that.
When I do pray with my own words, I feel very foolish… half like I’m talking to myself and half like I am being too familiar with God. I don’t feel like I know the right words. I’ve heard other Catholics pray out loud in their own words and they sound so confident and well-versed in what they are saying. I understand what you are explaining though, that its the attitude that matters, and I’m going to hold on to that thought and try not to be so hard on myself.
Susan,
The golden rule in prayer is that prayer is worth as much as the fruit it bears. Distractions are common and regular for most people. Our human imaginations are unruly. For most of us, it is a trial or a cross by which God humbles us. St. Francis de Sales says that prayer time is well spent even if all we do is fight off distractions and temptations. It’s not about something exciting happening, it’s about being in God’s presence and being transformed by His grace.
St. Teresa of Avila, I believe, talks about how even in very advanced persons the imagination still moves freely. And saints like St. Therese of Lisieux even used to fall asleep all the time while praying. I assure you that if you have any trouble in prayer, the saints have all been there and done that.
Let me give you a few considerations. There are many, many different ways to pray. The rosary is one of the best, because it can be prayed in a way which is best for you. Some people think that the only way to meditate on the rosary is in an “Ignatian” method-- St. Ignatius of Loyola in his spiritual exercises recommends that one made a mental picture of the gospel scene and insert oneself in. But let me tell you, some of us aren’t picture thinkers.
So other people will meditate on the truths revealed in the passage. This is good too, but I tend to be too intellectual. So my confessor recommended that I use the “fruits of the mystery” as a guide to doing an examination of conscience during the rosary. For instance, if you use “patience” as the fruit for the fourth sorrowful mystery, the carrying of the cross, then you could reflect on sins against patience in relation to the carrying of the cross.
No one of these ways is the “right” way to pray the rosary. Do what’s best for you, and just know that just because your way of prayer isn’t the textbook way, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Another way of meditative prayer is “lectio divina,” a practice with monastic roots. It means “sacred reading” of the Scriptures, slowly and meditative, open to the movement of the Spirit. Thelma Hall has a pretty good introduction in her book “Too Deep for Words.”
As for spontaneous prayer: I hear yah. You’ll get more comfortable the more you do it. It’s no more awkward than early conversations between two friends, or especially, between friends of the opposite sex. The difference, of course, is that He already knows everything about you-- so you can’t really embarrass yourself in front of Him.
And since you like structured prayer (I do too!), check out the Liturgy of the Hours. The church arranged the psalms into a 4 week format, and she prays them regularly-- there are seven hours in the current system, so you’ll have morning prayer, three daytime pray, evening prayer, an office of readings, and night prayer, every day with the full Liturgy of the Hours. It’s a way of praying the psalms throughout the day in union with the whole Church (all ordained and religious are obligated to pray the Hours-- including those wonderful sisters who helped you). You can find cheaper and abbreviated versions in “Shorter Christian Prayer” (very bare bones, the four week psalter so you can pray morning and evening prayer, and night prayer), and “Christian Prayer” (pray morning and evening prayer with the proper texts for all the liturgical days, and night prayer).
Just think about this stuff when you feel prompted to grow more in prayer, so you know what’s available.
By the way Susan, Edith Stein converted after reading St. Teresa of Avila. When you read up on St. Teresa Benedicta (Edith Stein) make sure you read some books by St. Teresa of Avila. She was a brilliant woman and an awesome mystic. She has an autobiography and many books on prayer, including the Interior Castle and the Way of Perfection. If you are looking for an understandable introduction to the Carmelite mystics (Sts. Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross), then I found Fr. Thomas Dubay’s “
Fire Within” to be an inspiring and accessible introduction.
Do yourself a favor and read the introduction online now.
God bless,
Rob
I don’t currently own one. Some of it is over my head honestly but I am saving and printing out your post, so I can re-read it and hopefully read the scripture verses also. I think I will have to re-read a few times to have at least some understanding.
During communion it would be ok for you to walk up with your arms folded across your chest and receive a blessing from the Priest or minister, or you can just remain seated and pray or observe. 