Tell an outrageous lie about the previous poster REVIVED

  • Thread starter Thread starter Hawkmaid7
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Divine3 said:
Misty Cat becomes so unnerved by all the words that she actually begins to bark.
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Despite the long hair, I am a he, and it is MystiCat, as in MystiCal, but with a “t” because I love cats.

Of course, you already knew that. You also know I’ve dealt with gender identity issues most of my life and are just trying to trigger temptation, you monster!
(The “monster” comment is a joke. I’m not really angry.)
 
Divine has had a tough two days regarding getting long hair right and short hair right. Male…female…l just will have to go back to divinity school…
 
Divine3 actually took her moniker as a tribute to her famous relative, Andy Devine, her third cousin, an actor known more for his girth than his mirth…the resemblance is uncanny…Divine3 was recently seen sunbathing at a local beach, and was stunned when the Coast Guard arrived to ‘rescue’ her…she had been mistaken for a beached beluga whale…
 
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@boldlygo
Well, my, my …look who is here! It’s To boldly go where no man has ever gone before.
Welcome!
You star chaser you… A whale next to her friend the guppy. Inside that whale their is always a story and it reaches far beyond the stars. Those coast guards were absolutely amazed when Jonah jumped out after my first sneeze.
 
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And Mr. Dandy, Andy Devine is not my third cousin, but a very distant relative, who to this day, remains anonymous .
 
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Being mistaken for a beached beluga whale was a real eye-opener for Devine3…she went on a crash diet…her weekly food bill dropped to mid-triple digits…[the local Dairy Queen filed for bankruptcy]…after several months, her tonnage stabilized at a svelte 550 lbs. She donated her old dresses [custom-made by Omar the Tentmaker] to Catholic Charities, which is using them to shelter needy refugee families [LARGE refugee families…].
 
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Boldly goes all out to try and put Divine on a diet. But divine enjoys this rather cute comparison of being the canary whale of the sea . She doesn’t diet. But fasting might be the dive she will take because of this Bold prophet’s proclamation. You won’t find divine at fast food places but Boldly is there already munching on some fried shrimp. I just might order Boldly some locust dipped in honey.
 
What’s this?! @ZMystiCat heard about a beached whale and brought along all his kitty friends, much to @F_Marturana disappointment; how are you supposed to sunbathe with cats ALL OVER YOU?! She voiced this complaint to @Divine3 who grumbled about all the flack she’s getting over weight (it was only one weight and the gym won’t even notice it’s gone!).

The problem was solved when Boldlygo ran across the beach, towel tied tight around his neck, shouting “NEVER FEAR, BOLDLY’S HERE”.

It would’ve been truly inspiring if he hadn’t tripped over that sand castle and faceplanted into the sand…
 
@Hawkmaid7 was, of course, overseeing all of this from the sky, overwhelmed by the selection of kittens to snatch up and eat.
 
I said “Come over for dinner” but nooooo apparently that means something else in Cat…
 
That said, ZMystiCat is not mistiCAL, he’s mystiFIED. Catese is not the same as Cantonese…guess which one he’s fluent in…
 
Hawkmaid…well, she is a natural writer and gifted in it too. If you ever write a children’s book ( I think children deserve fun books with virtue in it) it will be worth your effort. Just in case I get called to a heavenly banquet…I needed to let you know that.
 
On another serious note…as divine realties would have it, this morning as we were going out the church door, a gust of wind came our way. I, with that divine sense of wit said, “Watch out the cotton might blow away.” Photo of cotton seen across the field. [ (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) ]
Then this lovely lady said to me, “o, they had a bumper crop this year”. I immediately showed my concern and said, " I am so sorry; that’s too bad; what happened? She gave me a puzzling look and said, “they had the right amount of rain.” Now I looked at her with a puzzling look.
I grew up not too far from Brooklyn NY. To bump someone off or bump someone means something not too positive. The jokes on me. Mortal, with hopes of heaven are always worth praying about.
 
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Thank you, honestly; I am a writer and I haven’t published yet, but I’m creeping closer to thinking about it! Also if you do get called to a heavenly banquet, send me back some rolls, eh?
 
Those aren’t cotton bales, those are the biggest squashes that Divine grew this year!
 
Hawkmaid7 said:
Did you bring my bike?!
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You lost it again??!!
Hawkmaid, the serious college student, decided to ‘pledge’ a sorority this term. There was only one on campus that fit her strict code of ‘Study, study, study, and then, if there’s time, relax a little before going to sleep’…she pledged the international sorority, Tappa Kegga Beer.
Her sorority sisters found plenty of use for Hawkmaid’s bike…[the bright red Murray with balloon tires, training wheels, and a handlebar-mounted basket…] Hawkmaid is now responsible for the care and feeding of the sorority’s mascot, Tiny, a retired Anheuser-Busch Clydesdale…she uses the modified handlebar-mounted basket to haul in oats [semi-clever musical reference], and the new rear-fender-mounted bushel basket to haul out whatever she cleans out of Tiny’s stall.
 
@Divine3 Like this!

Cracks knuckles

Boldly may have been around longer than I have, but that doesn’t mean I have some tricks up my sleeve. See, the reason Tiny even showed up at our Soror house was because he and all our old pals from the original forum found Divine’s old birthday list- you know, the one from your 6th birthday? Well, since you don’t remember (it’s okay dearie, we all forget things over time) I’ll remind you; you wanted a pony so badly and well, this is what they could do. However, because of my spry youthfulness, they got your list confused with my handwriting (don’t think about it too hard, it totally makes sense) and thus delivered Tiny to me and my…sisters?

This was achieved by booking it past the Budlight reptiles, the Dilly Dilly Castle (they fit in well, in their suits of armor), and all the other things that this youngin doesn’t actually know about beer. Tiny was snuck out in a giant keg (real giant, real heavy, and he was real nauseous…) and rolled right to my front door.

I explained the mess by blaming the frat boys down the street, and said it was a prank pulled by some of them wearing armor…

Boldly better speed walk faster!
 
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