What should I do?

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t think so, she sends me messages like "Fancy, coming over on Saturday for lunch? etc etc

This is highly inappropriate. Text her to leave you alone. Unless you are flattered by her attention, in which case, don’t even bother texting her back, just stop answering. Delete the text messages she sends.

Combined with your statement about how you “kinda hate” your mom, I’m thinking that you are siding with your dad and finding this woman’s attentions quite nice. Maybe you should tell your dad that she’s asking you over to lunch by yourself…I’m thinking he won’t be too happy about that.

Go and talk to your pastor because you are getting into an awful mess with this stuff.

 

[Irishmom2]

I know he should fix the damage thats done not that im taking sides but what happens to his lover

Really? What about your mother? In all of this you only seem to care about your father and his “lover.” If it truly has been going on for years, your mom has a right to know. Tell your dad to tell your mom or else you will.

 

[Irishmom2]

If the Op was to tell his Mother, it would further aggravate this, and could end catastrophically.

Catastrophically for who? Isn’t this marraige already catasrophic? If he told his mother, it would only mess things up for his father. And it already is messed up whether his mom knows or not. It is adulterous and it is dishonest.

I cannot understnad why anyone would think it should be kept form your mother.

 

[St_Francis]

Abelin’s mother now knows, so no sense arguing about it!

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think so, she sends me messages like "Fancy, coming over on Saturday for lunch? etc etc

Tell your dad that his lover is stalking you. Honestly, tell him that if she tries to contact you one more time, you’re going to have your mother deliver your answer back to her for you! Ignore whatever she texts you until a day after you’ve told him that, and after that, make good on your promise.

This is not your doing, but you may not morally cooperate in their relationship in any way. You are duty-bound to discourage it and duty-bound to refuse to be complicit in any way with it. I don’t mean that you ought to be doing any more investigative work, I mean the stuff that they are doing flagrantly, right in your face. Let them know you will not keep a single secret for them. No matter what happens, they do not deserve to expect that. Wash your hands of all contact with that woman, whatever you do, for as long as your parents are still married.

 

[abelin]

Tell your dad that his lover is stalking you. Honestly, tell him that if she tries to contact you one more time, you’re going to have your mother deliver your answer back to her for you! Ignore whatever she texts you until a day after you’ve told him that, and after that, make good on your promise.

This is not your doing, but you may not morally cooperate in their relationship in any way. You are duty-bound to discourage it and duty-bound to refuse to be complicit in any way with it. I don’t mean that you ought to be doing any more investigative work, I mean the stuff that they are doing flagrantly, right in your face. Let them know you will not keep a single secret for them. No matter what happens, they do not deserve to expect that. Wash your hands of all contact with that woman, whatever you do, for as long as your parents are still married.

Should I call the police?

 

[R1ch4rd]

This isn’t! My mom now kinda knows, I tol her indirectly!

Indirectly huh?

I told her that my dad had been seeing someone else but without all the details and she invariably took it quite badly and stormed out of the house

Seems pretty direct to me

I haven’t got back to her

Get back to her yet? She’s only your mother!

Thanks, but i fear my mom’s too proud to admit this to anyone!

Hmm, guess not.

Should I be nicer to her?

She carried you in her womb, why would you want to be nicer to her then a mistress?

I kinda hate her

Oh, this kinda explains it.

I don’t know how she got my number but the ow keeps on texting me!

A few hours ago you felt obligated to her.

how should i respond?

Don’t

she pesters me!

So in a mater of hours she went from “holding a maternal instinct for me” to pestering you?

I don’t think so, she sends me messages like "Fancy, coming over on Saturday for lunch? etc etc

Yesterday you enjoyed it when she bought lunch and gave you rides, today it’s pestering.

Should I call the police?

By all means, perhaps they can give you the help you need
.
:doh2:

Have ya seen your priest yet or even called for an appointment?? Did’t think so…it’s only been suggested almost a dozen times. But calling a priest wouldn’t be as dramatic as calling the police, would it. Very, very sad thread but hard to stay away!

 

[abelin]

Indirectly huh?

Seems pretty direct to me

Get back to her yet? She’s only your mother!

Hmm, guess not.

She carried you in her womb, why would you want to be nicer to her then a mistress?

Oh, this kinda explains it.

A few hours ago you felt obligated to her.

Don’t

So in a mater of hours she went from “holding a maternal instinct for me” to pestering you?

Yesterday you enjoyed it when she bought lunch and gave you rides, today it’s pestering.

By all means, perhaps they can give you the help you need
.
:doh2:

Have ya seen your priest yet or even called for an appointment?? Did’t think so…it’s only been suggested almost a dozen times. But calling a priest wouldn’t be as dramatic as calling the police, would it. Very, very sad thread but hard to stay away!

I;m seeing my local one on Saturday

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Indirectly huh?
Seems pretty direct to me
Get back to her yet? She’s only your mother!
Hmm, guess not.
She carried you in her womb, why would you want to be nicer to her then a mistress?
Oh, this kinda explains it.
A few hours ago you felt obligated to her.
Don’t
So in a mater of hours she went from “holding a maternal instinct for me” to pestering you?
Yesterday you enjoyed it when she bought lunch and gave you rides, today it’s pestering.
By all means, perhaps they can give you the help you need
.
:doh2:

Have ya seen your priest yet or even called for an appointment?? Did’t think so…it’s only been suggested almost a dozen times. But calling a priest wouldn’t be as dramatic as calling the police, would it. Very, very sad thread but hard to stay away!

Now that you lay it out like this…I’m thinking more and more that this is a prank and not real. If it isn’t, this boy is being played like a cheap violin by this woman (he was very quick to come up with the abbreviation “ow” ) and his father. I’m thinking of my own sons and if they had found out that their dad had been having sex with another woman, they’d have been disgusted, horrified, angry, and they would have told me immediately and probably never spoken to their dad again, let alone accept rides, drinks, or text messages from his partner in adultery! I don’t think any young man, even if he has problems with his mother, would dither about wondering whether or not to tell her, once he knew for sure that his dad was seeing some other woman on the side.

I wonder what will come next? That this “ow” has set up a private meeting with him?

 

[Becca3]

Now that you lay it out like this…I’m thinking more and more that this is a prank and not real. If it isn’t, this boy is being played like a cheap violin by this woman (he was very quick to come up with the abbreviation “ow” ) and his father. I’m thinking of my own sons and if they had found out that their dad had been having sex with another woman, they’d have been disgusted, horrified, angry, and they would have told me immediately and probably never spoken to their dad again, let alone accept rides, drinks, or text messages from his partner in adultery! I don’t think any young man, even if he has problems with his mother, would dither about wondering whether or not to tell her, once he knew for sure that his dad was seeing some other woman on the side.

I wonder what will come next? That this “ow” has set up a private meeting with him?

And I am also wondering how he got the text messages from her in the first place. Either he gave her the cell phone number or his dad gave it to her??? It is starting to sound fishy for sure.

 

[abelin]

And I am also wondering how he got the text messages from her in the first place. Either he gave her the cell phone number or his dad gave it to her??? It is starting to sound fishy for sure.

My dad did because he felt that if I got to know her better then it would come as less of a shock

 

[R1ch4rd]

Now that you lay it out like this…I’m thinking more and more that this is a prank and not real. If it isn’t, this boy is being played like a cheap violin by this woman (he was very quick to come up with the abbreviation “ow” ) and his father. I’m thinking of my own sons and if they had found out that their dad had been having sex with another woman, they’d have been disgusted, horrified, angry, and they would have told me immediately and probably never spoken to their dad again, let alone accept rides, drinks, or text messages from his partner in adultery! I don’t think any young man, even if he has problems with his mother, would dither about wondering whether or not to tell her, once he knew for sure that his dad was seeing some other woman on the side.

I wonder what will come next? That this “ow” has set up a private meeting with him?

Yup, and if this father were me and my kids knew I were in an affair, I’d smack em if they didn’t tell my wife. Children are our legacy and our civilization is going down the tubes because they see how we act and think it’s acceptable. When Easter Joy questioned the validity early on, OP said “I’m not a troll”. How could someone who acts so naive know what a troll is without it being mentioned. Also, if you check the time stamps on his posts, you’ll see that this is playing out faster then an episode of CSI.

All sort of advice has been given and the best is getting with your priest. I really don’t see a point in posting again until after your meeting on Saturday…unless it’s to stir the pot to keep all the juicy stuff near the top.

My dad did because he felt that if I got to know her better then it would come as less of a shock

I sincerely hope you don’t believe this because I don’t. You just told your dad you knew. Why would he want to lessen the shock AFTER the shock had taken place?? Oh, I know, he gave it to her earlier in anticipation of you snooping in his email.

I’ve learned one thing in life, when you find yourself in a hole you can’t get out of…stop digging.

BTW, if you believe I’m being uncharitable towards you, there is an icon next to the post number that allows you to report me to the Mode rater…feel free to use it and let him decide.

 

[abelin]

Yup, and if this father were me and my kids knew I were in an affair, I’d smack em if they didn’t tell my wife. Children are our legacy and our civilization is going down the tubes because they see how we act and think it’s acceptable. When Easter Joy questioned the validity early on, OP said “I’m not a troll”. How could someone who acts so naive know what a troll is without it being mentioned. Also, if you check the time stamps on his posts, you’ll see that this is playing out faster then an episode of CSI.

All sort of advice has been given and the best is getting with your priest. I really don’t see a point in posting again until after your meeting on Saturday…unless it’s to stir the pot to keep all the juicy stuff near the top.

I sincerely hope you don’t believe this because I don’t. You just told your dad you knew. Why would he want to lessen the shock AFTER the shock had taken place?? Oh, I know, he gave it to her earlier in anticipation of you snooping in his email.

I’ve learned one thing in life, when you find yourself in a hole you can’t get out of…stop digging.

BTW, if you believe I’m being uncharitable towards you, there is an icon next to the post number that allows you to report me to the Mode rater…feel free to use it and let him decide.

I’ll refrain until satuday

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My dad did because he felt that if I got to know her better then it would come as less of a shock

If this were true, then your dad is a complete and total JERK for doing that. He would be betraying your mom twice - once in fornicating with another woman, and the second time in trying to make the person he’s fornicating with seem attractive to you.

And if you really can’t see ANY of this - assuming, with charity, that you aren’t just pranking us - then you’re a mental child and not in any way ready for university. And you’re morally flawed as well.

 

[EasterJoy]

Should I call the police?

You are getting way ahead of yourself. It is not a crime to badger someone with texts. A stalker who knows you isn’t a stalker until you tell them to stop and they refuse.

 

[EasterJoy]

My dad did because he felt that if I got to know her better then it would come as less of a shock

Are you guessing this, or did he tell you this? I’m guessing your dad let you meet her because he was trying to pretend that she is only an old friend of his. If your mother knew that you were with your dad and this other woman, after all, she’d tend to think that the relationship is not an affair, because surely no one is so brazen that they’d carry on an affair in the presence of a 16 year old!

That ploy only works if the guilty couple acts entirely platonic around the 16 year old, which is a very bad idea, considering that young people tend to pick up on far more than they will tell you they’re picking up on. Bad plan, Dad, for so many reasons. Very bad plan.

 

[Deltadeliquent]

Again, I want to say to the OP…
This is not about you. You hold NO blame or responsibility for any of it. You are 16 still a child in many ways and this is not your situation.
Don’t let anyone here tell you you are somehow bad.
Remember you are talking to adults who have a lifetime of experience to inform their actions and words. You don’t have that experience and shouldn’t be expected to be able to handle it all, and know what’s what. Ths situation also involves two of the most important people in your life, and potentially your own situation might change dramatically.
It is only natural for you to feel confused and to be sorta paralysed about what, if anything to do.
Taking you on your word, it seems to me, with limited information, that you have handled a very difficult situation well. I would be proud of you if you were my son.
My advice is again, step back and try to get through each day as best you can. Find support in adults you trust and friends you trust. At 16 your peer group should be a first call for support.
This situation is terrible, yes. But this mess was created by the adults around you. Step away and make them fix it. That’s their job.
Your job is to do your revising, take care of yourself, and do well on your exams. Then be thinking of your future, in 6th form or other training. ( with your mature writing I would vote for 6th form…)
Take whatever advice from here you think proper. But Text her to stop contacting you, then ignore and stay away from the OW.
We are far away from you and no one here has a clear or true picture of any of it. We are trying to help, but are fumbling around in the dark.
Forgive, but ignore strangers having a go at you.

And I would refute the “evidence” cited for your being a Troll. You still might be, BUT, Teenagers, especially English teenagers are far more sophisticated and knowledgable than most adults realise. My wn son has taught me that!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Again, I want to say to the OP…
This is not about you. You hold NO blame or responsibility for any of it. You are 16 still a child in many ways and this is not your situation.
Don’t let anyone here tell you you are somehow bad.
Remember you are talking to adults who have a lifetime of experience to inform their actions and words. You don’t have that experience and shouldn’t be expected to be able to handle it all, and know what’s what. Ths situation also involves two of the most important people in your life, and potentially your own situation might change dramatically.
It is only natural for you to feel confused and to be sorta paralysed about what, if anything to do.
Taking you on your word, it seems to me, with limited information, that you have handled a very difficult situation well. I would be proud of you if you were my son.
My advice is again, step back and try to get through each day as best you can. Find support in adults you trust and friends you trust. At 16 your peer group should be a first call for support.
This situation is terrible, yes. But this mess was created by the adults around you. Step away and make them fix it. That’s their job.
Your job is to do your revising, take care of yourself, and do well on your exams. Then be thinking of your future, in 6th form or other training. ( with your mature writing I would vote for 6th form…)
Take whatever advice from here you think proper. But Text her to stop contacting you, then ignore and stay away from the OW.
We are far away from you and no one here has a clear or true picture of any of it. We are trying to help, but are fumbling around in the dark.
Forgive, but ignore strangers having a go at you.

And I would refute the “evidence” cited for your being a Troll. You still might be, BUT, Teenagers, especially English teenagers are far more sophisticated and knowledgable than most adults realise. My wn son has taught me that!

See, that’s the thing, people who prank like this could be anyone and anything, not a 16 year old at all. Most of us simply believe whatever information we’re given but one has to doubt EVERYTHING that’s put forward on the internet.

 

[abelin]

See, that’s the thing, people who prank like this could be anyone and anything, not a 16 year old at all. Most of us simply believe whatever information we’re given but one has to doubt EVERYTHING that’s put forward on the internet.

?

 

[EasterJoy]

?

Here is our problem. We get a lot of posts here that someone makes up for fun…kind of sick fun, but who know why people do these things. When we catch on, though, it is because they are internally inconsistent or just way to far out there or something like that.

The problem with a post purportedly coming from a 16 year old, however, is that we were all 16 once and realize that 16 year olds themselves are not always internally consistent! They are brilliant and insightful one minute and miss things that they themselves could have put together at age 10 the next. They are shockingly bold one minute and afraid to do the most simple thing the next. For most of us, it was one of the high-water “life is far stranger than fiction” stages of our lives, the stage when we were most prone to both over-reaction and under-reaction. That’s why we’re going back and forth between believing you and wondering out loud if you are not pulling our legs.

You’re in the middle of 16, though, so you or your friends may get this a lot?